Namaste!
I got my period today!
I woke up to that all too familiar stabbing-in-the-uterus sensation. The pain was intense. Woke me right up.
Today I start day one of my hormone treatment. It's a nuva ring. I like how convenient it is, just stick it up there and go. It's cool.
I also took some Advil to help the pain. Fredders is helping too, by curling up on my feet! Lol!
I'll keep updating with how treatmeng progresses, and keep track of the side effects I experience.
Ciao for now!
Xoxoxoxo
M.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
What's New With Me?
Some exciting stuff going on with me.. More depression, but not as much as before. I find I feel better when I spend only minimal amounts of time at home.
I usually leave in the early afternoon and return after everyones gone to bed to avoid conflicts.. However, I cannot hide from the written word.
It seems if any family member is angry at me because I didn't do something, or I did something wrong, I get a letter about it. Sometimes a note posted to my door, other times, an angry facebook message or text. I thought I was making everyone happier by just staying away. Apparently not.
I was home all day on Monday but nobody made a conscious effort to confront me about an issue with me closing my bedroom door. Unbeknownst to me, the cats try to "claw" their way inside my room when the door is shut. This caused conflict and resulted in a threat via written letter that I either keep the door open, or it comes off it's hinges.
Immature? I thought so.
I was dealing with my depression rather successfully for the past two weeks. I'm working towards a job promotion I think I deserve. I've worked with the same company for two years, and I have maintained excellent attendance and productivity throughout my employment. Tomorrow I have an interview.
My fear is that if I don't get the job, that I will spiral into a dark depression even worse than the one I just climbed out of. I don't take bad news lightly. In fact, I mentally beat myself up over it for months. It's bad enough my family thinks I'm a failure.
Ever since the surgery they've grown increasingly distant. Especially my mom. I have no idea why. I guess the idea that I have a "disease" is too much for them to deal with.. And it's easier to just not deal with me. I have endometriosis, but endometriosis does NOT have ME.
Instead of pursuing meaningless relationships I've decided to channel my energy into my job. Working makes me happy. It makes me feel accomplished.. It makes me feel useful. It's my only responsibility and it's one I take very seriously. I know if I work hard that I can accomplish anything. Other people seem to have a difficult time understanding that. Most 25 year old women want a husband and a baby. Not me. I've come to face reality that I'm not having a family. I've accepted that.
And I'm okay with it.
Now post-op details:
My period is 8 days late.. And my pain has mysteriously disappeared. I have the odd "ghost cramp" which feels like a mild cramp but comes and goes at spontaneous intervals. I'm anxious for it to start because when my period starts, I can start the hormone treatment.
I've had mood swings and fatigue but no other symptoms. I'm not sure if this is normal or not. I guess if it continues for another month or so I'll call my doctor.
I usually leave in the early afternoon and return after everyones gone to bed to avoid conflicts.. However, I cannot hide from the written word.
It seems if any family member is angry at me because I didn't do something, or I did something wrong, I get a letter about it. Sometimes a note posted to my door, other times, an angry facebook message or text. I thought I was making everyone happier by just staying away. Apparently not.
I was home all day on Monday but nobody made a conscious effort to confront me about an issue with me closing my bedroom door. Unbeknownst to me, the cats try to "claw" their way inside my room when the door is shut. This caused conflict and resulted in a threat via written letter that I either keep the door open, or it comes off it's hinges.
Immature? I thought so.
I was dealing with my depression rather successfully for the past two weeks. I'm working towards a job promotion I think I deserve. I've worked with the same company for two years, and I have maintained excellent attendance and productivity throughout my employment. Tomorrow I have an interview.
My fear is that if I don't get the job, that I will spiral into a dark depression even worse than the one I just climbed out of. I don't take bad news lightly. In fact, I mentally beat myself up over it for months. It's bad enough my family thinks I'm a failure.
Ever since the surgery they've grown increasingly distant. Especially my mom. I have no idea why. I guess the idea that I have a "disease" is too much for them to deal with.. And it's easier to just not deal with me. I have endometriosis, but endometriosis does NOT have ME.
Instead of pursuing meaningless relationships I've decided to channel my energy into my job. Working makes me happy. It makes me feel accomplished.. It makes me feel useful. It's my only responsibility and it's one I take very seriously. I know if I work hard that I can accomplish anything. Other people seem to have a difficult time understanding that. Most 25 year old women want a husband and a baby. Not me. I've come to face reality that I'm not having a family. I've accepted that.
And I'm okay with it.
Now post-op details:
My period is 8 days late.. And my pain has mysteriously disappeared. I have the odd "ghost cramp" which feels like a mild cramp but comes and goes at spontaneous intervals. I'm anxious for it to start because when my period starts, I can start the hormone treatment.
I've had mood swings and fatigue but no other symptoms. I'm not sure if this is normal or not. I guess if it continues for another month or so I'll call my doctor.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Emotional Aftermath
Today marks exactly 4 weeks since my surgery.
I knew what to expect physically, but nobody told me what the emotional aftermath would be like.
I'm aware that many endometriosis patients suffer from depression. I'm no different. It's not uncommon to go through a grieving process after been diagnosed. All your fears of having something wrong with you are confirmed. Any flicker of hope that everything is fine start to disappear and it's time to come to terms with the fact that you have a disease that has no cure.
The worst part about endometriosis is the infertility. No matter what stage you're in, there's a chance you may never have a family. Women with stage IV are more likely to be infertile due to adhesions, scar tissue, and deep lesions damaging the reproductive organs.. But it doesn't explain the infertility in women with mild to moderate cases of endometriosis.
Some theories state that the immune system is involved somehow.. Others state that the endometriosis lesions, even the microscopic ones, release hormones that interfere with conception. Some women can only have one child.. Some can't have any.. And some become pregnant but miscarry every time.
The infertility rate is around 30-40%, making endometriosis the leading cause of infertility. About 10% of women of reproductive age have been diagnosed with endometriosis. The spontaneous abortion rate is a staggering 50%.. So those women who try for years to have children end up not being able to keep a pregnancy.
Awful isn't it?
All these numbers are swirling around my head.. The studies have been confirmed by numberous endometriosis associations. The only thing unconfirmed is why it happens.
I'm 25 years old. I'm single. I haven't been in a long-term relationship in over a year. I'm now learning that I may never have children. It's hard to communicate my feelings with people.. Especially my family as they don't seem to believe me. They're excited over all the other pregnancies going on with their friends, neighbors, and other relatives that they haven't taken much notice to my recent melancholy.
I spent the last two weeks working as hard as I can to try and forget. It works too, but as soon as I come home I'm back to where I was before. Depressed.. Unmotivated, and feeling sorry for myself. I don't like being so pathetic, but I have no idea how to handle it. All I do is think about how much I want to find someone special and have a family of my own. All I do is think about how sick I am, and what's going to happen next. I feel like nobody wants a sick girlfriend so I'm reluctant to start dating again. The last boyfriend I had broke my heart severely and blamed it on my illness.
I don't know what to do at this point. I feel very alone. I used to be so happy and optimistic, and it's evident when looking at my previous postings.
I need help but I don't know where to find it.
I knew what to expect physically, but nobody told me what the emotional aftermath would be like.
I'm aware that many endometriosis patients suffer from depression. I'm no different. It's not uncommon to go through a grieving process after been diagnosed. All your fears of having something wrong with you are confirmed. Any flicker of hope that everything is fine start to disappear and it's time to come to terms with the fact that you have a disease that has no cure.
The worst part about endometriosis is the infertility. No matter what stage you're in, there's a chance you may never have a family. Women with stage IV are more likely to be infertile due to adhesions, scar tissue, and deep lesions damaging the reproductive organs.. But it doesn't explain the infertility in women with mild to moderate cases of endometriosis.
Some theories state that the immune system is involved somehow.. Others state that the endometriosis lesions, even the microscopic ones, release hormones that interfere with conception. Some women can only have one child.. Some can't have any.. And some become pregnant but miscarry every time.
The infertility rate is around 30-40%, making endometriosis the leading cause of infertility. About 10% of women of reproductive age have been diagnosed with endometriosis. The spontaneous abortion rate is a staggering 50%.. So those women who try for years to have children end up not being able to keep a pregnancy.
Awful isn't it?
All these numbers are swirling around my head.. The studies have been confirmed by numberous endometriosis associations. The only thing unconfirmed is why it happens.
I'm 25 years old. I'm single. I haven't been in a long-term relationship in over a year. I'm now learning that I may never have children. It's hard to communicate my feelings with people.. Especially my family as they don't seem to believe me. They're excited over all the other pregnancies going on with their friends, neighbors, and other relatives that they haven't taken much notice to my recent melancholy.
I spent the last two weeks working as hard as I can to try and forget. It works too, but as soon as I come home I'm back to where I was before. Depressed.. Unmotivated, and feeling sorry for myself. I don't like being so pathetic, but I have no idea how to handle it. All I do is think about how much I want to find someone special and have a family of my own. All I do is think about how sick I am, and what's going to happen next. I feel like nobody wants a sick girlfriend so I'm reluctant to start dating again. The last boyfriend I had broke my heart severely and blamed it on my illness.
I don't know what to do at this point. I feel very alone. I used to be so happy and optimistic, and it's evident when looking at my previous postings.
I need help but I don't know where to find it.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Surgery Update #3: Recovery is a bit slow!
Ahhh
it's been a long week. After returning to work last week I ended up being so sore I had to take another week off! I ended up having some swelling issues and the doc was worried about infection. Basically I was in a lot of pain and discomfort and peeing a lot. We did a urine culture which came out clean, and the swelling went down and I felt good again!!
Until today.
Let me remind you I had surgery in close proximity to my uterus. Well, I got my period today and it's more painful than usual. I'm due to go back to work this evening and I'm bed-ridden! I absolutely cannot take another day off. I've used up all my sick days.. So I have no choice but to suck it up and go.
Today AND tomorrow!
Also, my family was going to go on a trip for Easter in which I can no longer go. After not working this month and then paying my bills, then throwing post-op complications and this awful pain into the mix I can no longer go. I'm broke, I'm sore, and now I'm gonna ge alone for the holidays. Damn. When it rains it pours doesn't it?
I'm not about to feel sorry for myself. I'll simply just relax at home and pick up some more shifts to get some extra cash. The way things look now, it's gonna be tough figuring out what to eat next month! This upcoming paycheque will be very small.. Just a few days and some vacation pay on there. Probably won't be much more than $100 if that.
I'm a bit gloomy but I shouldn't let it get me down. I have to rest before work tonight. It's gonna get busy!
it's been a long week. After returning to work last week I ended up being so sore I had to take another week off! I ended up having some swelling issues and the doc was worried about infection. Basically I was in a lot of pain and discomfort and peeing a lot. We did a urine culture which came out clean, and the swelling went down and I felt good again!!
Until today.
Let me remind you I had surgery in close proximity to my uterus. Well, I got my period today and it's more painful than usual. I'm due to go back to work this evening and I'm bed-ridden! I absolutely cannot take another day off. I've used up all my sick days.. So I have no choice but to suck it up and go.
Today AND tomorrow!
Also, my family was going to go on a trip for Easter in which I can no longer go. After not working this month and then paying my bills, then throwing post-op complications and this awful pain into the mix I can no longer go. I'm broke, I'm sore, and now I'm gonna ge alone for the holidays. Damn. When it rains it pours doesn't it?
I'm not about to feel sorry for myself. I'll simply just relax at home and pick up some more shifts to get some extra cash. The way things look now, it's gonna be tough figuring out what to eat next month! This upcoming paycheque will be very small.. Just a few days and some vacation pay on there. Probably won't be much more than $100 if that.
I'm a bit gloomy but I shouldn't let it get me down. I have to rest before work tonight. It's gonna get busy!
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Post-Op Update #2
Namaste readers!
I am currently 9 days into recovery.
On Monday I was feeling pretty fantastic until my beloved Fred (he's my cat) jumped on my pubic incision. That was very painful, but my surgeon assured me that enough time had passed that it shouldn't have caused any damage.
Later that evening, my niece got very sick with what seems like a gastroenteritis virus. She ended up going to the hospital and spent the night in Pediatric Acute Isolation. Very scary. I barely slept that night and the following day, I was very sore. I ended up going back to work and it was challenging. As exciting it was to see everybody, I had a hard time feeling comfortable being in a sitting position for a prolonged period of time.
Today, I woke up very early. Around 4am. I went to the washroom but I had a hard time getting comfortable. I had pelvic pain above the pubic bone and above the incision which was previously squashed by kitty paws.
I woke up again at 8, went to the washroom again, and had such a difficult time falling back to sleep due to pain that I took one of my T3s. This allowed me to feel drowsy enough to sleep in 30 minute intervals. I woke myself up once by babbling in my sleep.. Then laughing about it afterwards once I was coherant enough to think about what just happened!
Around noon I got up because I wasn't high anymore and I wanted to call my surgeon. However the office was closed until 1pm.. So I was in a pickle. I had to be at work later that afternoon but I wasn't sure if I should or not. Ended up calling work anyways, and I couldn't get excused until I brought in a note from a doctor which I thought unfair because here I am.. In pain.. Just had surgery.. And now I have to run to the doctor's office for a note even though my work KNOWS I had surgery done?
So I'm very stressed out for missing work today, which is making resting very hard.
I see my doctor tomorrow. Chances are I'm just recovering slower than most people. I went to work too soon and tried doing too much too fast and ended up exhausting my body. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I'm trying to take it easy and eat healthy foods. I'm taking pain medications to help make me more comfortable.
Since the surgery I've experienced some other unpleasant side-effects I'd like to let my doc know about. One of them is short-term memory loss. You can tell me something and I'll forget what it was literally a minute after you told me! I'm also very emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. I also have a "brain fog" where it's difficult to focus, and sometimes I stutter like the public defender in "My Cousin Vinny". I'm also back to peeing every 20-30 minutes which is very frustrating especially when I'm trying to sleep! When I roll onto my side I feel pressure on my bladder. Doesn't matter which side either. I'm afraid to sleep on my back because of the cat.. Blahh! I hope this is over soon and I can get back to normal.
I'm so worried about getting in trouble at work because I've missed so much. Granted I booked all those days off in advance but not today. Maybe I didn't call in soon enough? I didn't want to call them when I was high on painkillers. I'm sure everything will be ok. Before all this happened, I was told that I'm a very good worker. I still am.. I just need to recover.
I am currently 9 days into recovery.
On Monday I was feeling pretty fantastic until my beloved Fred (he's my cat) jumped on my pubic incision. That was very painful, but my surgeon assured me that enough time had passed that it shouldn't have caused any damage.
Later that evening, my niece got very sick with what seems like a gastroenteritis virus. She ended up going to the hospital and spent the night in Pediatric Acute Isolation. Very scary. I barely slept that night and the following day, I was very sore. I ended up going back to work and it was challenging. As exciting it was to see everybody, I had a hard time feeling comfortable being in a sitting position for a prolonged period of time.
Today, I woke up very early. Around 4am. I went to the washroom but I had a hard time getting comfortable. I had pelvic pain above the pubic bone and above the incision which was previously squashed by kitty paws.
I woke up again at 8, went to the washroom again, and had such a difficult time falling back to sleep due to pain that I took one of my T3s. This allowed me to feel drowsy enough to sleep in 30 minute intervals. I woke myself up once by babbling in my sleep.. Then laughing about it afterwards once I was coherant enough to think about what just happened!
Around noon I got up because I wasn't high anymore and I wanted to call my surgeon. However the office was closed until 1pm.. So I was in a pickle. I had to be at work later that afternoon but I wasn't sure if I should or not. Ended up calling work anyways, and I couldn't get excused until I brought in a note from a doctor which I thought unfair because here I am.. In pain.. Just had surgery.. And now I have to run to the doctor's office for a note even though my work KNOWS I had surgery done?
So I'm very stressed out for missing work today, which is making resting very hard.
I see my doctor tomorrow. Chances are I'm just recovering slower than most people. I went to work too soon and tried doing too much too fast and ended up exhausting my body. We'll see how I feel tomorrow. I'm trying to take it easy and eat healthy foods. I'm taking pain medications to help make me more comfortable.
Since the surgery I've experienced some other unpleasant side-effects I'd like to let my doc know about. One of them is short-term memory loss. You can tell me something and I'll forget what it was literally a minute after you told me! I'm also very emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. I also have a "brain fog" where it's difficult to focus, and sometimes I stutter like the public defender in "My Cousin Vinny". I'm also back to peeing every 20-30 minutes which is very frustrating especially when I'm trying to sleep! When I roll onto my side I feel pressure on my bladder. Doesn't matter which side either. I'm afraid to sleep on my back because of the cat.. Blahh! I hope this is over soon and I can get back to normal.
I'm so worried about getting in trouble at work because I've missed so much. Granted I booked all those days off in advance but not today. Maybe I didn't call in soon enough? I didn't want to call them when I was high on painkillers. I'm sure everything will be ok. Before all this happened, I was told that I'm a very good worker. I still am.. I just need to recover.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Surgery Update!
Namaste, followers!
I'm sorry I've taken awhile to post. After my surgery, I pretty much just rested a lot.
My diagnosis for endometriosis was confirmed. It was behind my uterus and in front of it and cauterized. I had my surgery Monday. I took a walk outside today but I got very tired afterwards. I still have some swelling and bruising and a lot of fatigue. I feel pretty gross with all the swelling.. Not to mention it's pretty gross to look at my incisions (I have two) but the relief I have is worth it all.
For starters, I no longer need to use the bathroom every 20 minutes! Yay!
I look forward to recovering faster so that I can cook, clean, work, go to the gym and do NORMAL things! Lol! Needing a nap after walking around one block is sad.. Haha! I hate feeling so useless.. I sleep a lot, as I mentioned before. I go to bed pretty early and sleep past noon.. But if my body needs rest I guess that's what I should do! I return to work on Tuesday. I hope I can handle it!
Still having some pain, especially when I wake up in the morning. I had a mild scrape in my throat from the intubation tube that has now ulcerated.. So eating certain foods is painful. I need to go do groceries so I have food for next week. My appetite isn't that great and as I said before.. I can't really cook. It's hard to bend and carry things and stand for long periods of time *rolls eyes* lol!
I hope I'm back to normal next week.
Ciao!
Xoxoxo
I'm sorry I've taken awhile to post. After my surgery, I pretty much just rested a lot.
My diagnosis for endometriosis was confirmed. It was behind my uterus and in front of it and cauterized. I had my surgery Monday. I took a walk outside today but I got very tired afterwards. I still have some swelling and bruising and a lot of fatigue. I feel pretty gross with all the swelling.. Not to mention it's pretty gross to look at my incisions (I have two) but the relief I have is worth it all.
For starters, I no longer need to use the bathroom every 20 minutes! Yay!
I look forward to recovering faster so that I can cook, clean, work, go to the gym and do NORMAL things! Lol! Needing a nap after walking around one block is sad.. Haha! I hate feeling so useless.. I sleep a lot, as I mentioned before. I go to bed pretty early and sleep past noon.. But if my body needs rest I guess that's what I should do! I return to work on Tuesday. I hope I can handle it!
Still having some pain, especially when I wake up in the morning. I had a mild scrape in my throat from the intubation tube that has now ulcerated.. So eating certain foods is painful. I need to go do groceries so I have food for next week. My appetite isn't that great and as I said before.. I can't really cook. It's hard to bend and carry things and stand for long periods of time *rolls eyes* lol!
I hope I'm back to normal next week.
Ciao!
Xoxoxo
Friday, April 1, 2011
Green Light!
Namaste lovelings!
I saw the doctor yesterday and my cold is gone! Yay! So surgery is a go on Monday.
However, I'm struggling to get rid of a late shift I was scheduled to work the night before. I feel dumb for not booking that day off. Never assume you'll get that day off anyways.. Just book it off if you need it.
I can't imagine I'd be very productive at work, worrying about the surgery and stuff like that (that's what I do!). That would make room for error which is very bad. Don't need angry people with screwed up orders on their hands!
Also I have other things I must do.. Like I have to have a shower and wash with a special soap, and I have to stop eating at a certain time so I want to eat as late as I can so I don't wake up famished!
Unfortunately, nobody wants to work from 2:30-10:00pm.. Booo!
Help a poor sick girl out! Lol!
Also, I've been shown a lot of support from people that I wasn't expecting. My family has been awesome, and I've gotten phone calls from friends, including one I haven't spoken to on the phone for almost a year! Wow! They're all showing their support. It brings tears to my eyes! I'm so lucky to have this network of caring people. It makes me feel more at ease.
I'm still having some lower back pain, but not nearly the same calibre it was before where I was wincing to move and in tears. Now it's bearable. I want to go to the muscle store (that's the gym) today to lift as it's the last chance I'll have for awhile. Too bad it's raining.. Blah. I hate walking in the rain but it's not so bad if I wear my thick Fox hoodie. I got caught in a pissing, pouring hailstorm and it never soaked through. Amazing.
Ok I'm going to take off now!
Take care!
Xoxoxoxo
I saw the doctor yesterday and my cold is gone! Yay! So surgery is a go on Monday.
However, I'm struggling to get rid of a late shift I was scheduled to work the night before. I feel dumb for not booking that day off. Never assume you'll get that day off anyways.. Just book it off if you need it.
I can't imagine I'd be very productive at work, worrying about the surgery and stuff like that (that's what I do!). That would make room for error which is very bad. Don't need angry people with screwed up orders on their hands!
Also I have other things I must do.. Like I have to have a shower and wash with a special soap, and I have to stop eating at a certain time so I want to eat as late as I can so I don't wake up famished!
Unfortunately, nobody wants to work from 2:30-10:00pm.. Booo!
Help a poor sick girl out! Lol!
Also, I've been shown a lot of support from people that I wasn't expecting. My family has been awesome, and I've gotten phone calls from friends, including one I haven't spoken to on the phone for almost a year! Wow! They're all showing their support. It brings tears to my eyes! I'm so lucky to have this network of caring people. It makes me feel more at ease.
I'm still having some lower back pain, but not nearly the same calibre it was before where I was wincing to move and in tears. Now it's bearable. I want to go to the muscle store (that's the gym) today to lift as it's the last chance I'll have for awhile. Too bad it's raining.. Blah. I hate walking in the rain but it's not so bad if I wear my thick Fox hoodie. I got caught in a pissing, pouring hailstorm and it never soaked through. Amazing.
Ok I'm going to take off now!
Take care!
Xoxoxoxo
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