Namaste lovelies! I trust you are all curled up in a snuggly, warm, cozy place right now as I am! It's another late night pour moi and I am blogging via my Blackberrygadget from the comforts of my own safe place -- my futon, wearing my fuzzy PJ's and my T-shirt which has DIRT BIKES on it! Yay! Lol!
I've finished my "P-word" lol! I distracted you with dirt bikes and then jump right into the period talk! So sorry!! Hahaha!
Anyways, my moods have stabilized, the pain is gone, and I can resume to being normal for another 2 weeks until ovulation pain starts!
My moodswings were hard to control this month. I actually drove one friend potentially crazy with my indecisiveness and to be blunt -- bitchy attitude!
To my special friend: I am very sorry for my behaviour. I know I've told you what is going on, and you read my blog, but it doesn't excuse the way I acted. I hope you forgive me.
I ended up telling my friend to talk to me more, and when he did, I told him it was annoying. How stupid! Who does that? Hormonal-crazy-weird. people like ME! That's who!! Just as bad as me breaking down in tears for no reason. Just about every night I would just think of something and cry. It didn't have to be sad, necessarily. I would just start crying. It was dumb! Stupid emotional/hormonal fits of FEELINGS! Sheesh!
I've come to the conclusion that if I am menstruating, that I need to just be alone for a few days with my music! If only it were that easy!
Today, on my last day, I had a case of the giggles. I was laughing all day and a little chatty. I found a magazine about dogs and on the 2nd page there were photos of little babydogs wearing jackets and little Christmas outfits. I thought it was so cute. I just kept smiling and giggling and gushing over these little dogs in the photo!! I smile just thinking about it.
I need more days like THAT!
It wouldn't be the first time my hormonal crazies got me in trouble with a friend. I've gone nutso on a few and one of them stopped speaking to me for months. We just stopped getting along. I never fully understood what the hell was going on with me until recently, and I'm starting to recognize the patterns better with my symptoms.
Now that I've seen a few doctors who have helped explain what is happening with my body, I can now start explaining to people that I can get irrational, emotional, and make absolutely no sense some days. If the pain isn't driving me crazy, it's the emotional changes coinciding with hormonal fluctuations. I am hoping that this information can help prevent me from driving people away that I care about.
The friend that I was on non-speaking terms with for several months said "hi" to me the other day and asked me how I was. It was completely unexpected, after all, I had acted like a complete shithead.
Even just a short exchange of words made the awkward silence not so awkward anymore. I'm not sure what made my friend suddenly decide to say "hi", but I'm glad. I felt a lot of shame before, and maybe I can forgive myself for that now.
For all my friends, old or new, whether we speak to each other on a regular basis or not, I wish each and every one of them the very best.
I've come to grips with the fact that I'm not "normal" and I may never be normal. Since I'm not receiving any particular treatment right now, I haven't had to deal with any side effects.. Like the 2 month nausea thing. Although I did lose 2 inches around my hips that I'm happy about! Lol!
Anyways.
I hope that with the continuation of a healthy diet and exercise that I can be stronger, and more emotionally stable.
And to my friend: I miss you very much. I'm sorry for being so weird this past week. If you see this, please know that I wish I could give you a big hug and a chocolate chip cookie. I will try super hard not to be crazy, as you're one of the few people I can talk to openly about my condition.
I feel like I've really put myself "out there", but I'm taking responsibility for my actions, and that means admitting that I was wrong. We all make mistakes. Let's all learn from them shall we?
Goodnight lovies! I cherish each and every one of you!
Bon nuit!
Arrivederci!
Sayanora!!
Xoxoxoxo
M.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Sleepy Time??
Namaste my friendly readers!!
Another late night for me unfortunately.. Due to reasons that are beyond my control, but that is not what tonight's blog is about!
Tonight's blog is about FATIGUE! Relentless, unforgiving, persistant fatigue. Last week I was sick with the flu, just in time for me to start menses! (Yes boys, I am talking about my period. I am sorry.. :P)
Yay!
So I am guessing that's what is causing my fatigue since it happens every month at exactly the same time.
I haven't had much cramping like I did last month.. Last month was very painful and I experienced sharp pains every single day until it was over. Nope. This month there is very little cramping.
I got migraine headaches instead! Ohh I can't tell you how challenging work is when you stare at a computer all day long while talking, and you have brain pain. The words on the screen start to move around in circles and get blurry. Between calls I put my face in my hands and closed my peepers to give them a much needed break.
That coupled with the fatigue makes me worry about my job performance. I had a "quality review" last Wednesday actually, on the 12th where I was actually feeling under the weather and scored 100%!! I can do this job in my sleep (sometimes I do.. At home though.. In my dreams! Lol!)
I should be okay.
I reluctantly had to change my availability so that I don't work past 10pm. I am so very tired all the time. Nothing helps. I tried sleeping more. I tried sleeping less. I tried coffee, protein shakes, fresh water, raw foods, and vitamins.. Anything to get my energy back up! It won't.. I'm still keeping my workouts consistant though! Exercise can improve energy (just not for me! Lol!)
I'm hoping my migraines and chronic fatigue go away when my period does (oops! There's that "P" word again! Sorry boys! Lol!)
I have an appointment with a gynaecologist on Feb 8th. It's a good thing I started this blog so that I could keep track of everything eh? I think there was something else I wanted to mention but I'm so tired I don't remember what it was.. Anyways..
I'm going to lay down and try to get some sleep. I hope it gets quiet soon.. (Very noisy house right now)
OH!
I remembered what it was..
My appetite! It is CRAZY right now! Maybe cuz of the workouts?? I'm not sure, but I want to eat stuff ALL THE TIME. Unfortunately I crave foods I shouldn't be eating.. Like pizza, and I'm on a cookie craze right now. I can't seem to get enough cookies.. My sister is baking chocolate chip cookies and just thinking about them makes my mouth water.. Baking is her specialty!!
Om nom nom nom
Ok goodnight lovies!! Hahaha!!
Xoxoxo
M.
Another late night for me unfortunately.. Due to reasons that are beyond my control, but that is not what tonight's blog is about!
Tonight's blog is about FATIGUE! Relentless, unforgiving, persistant fatigue. Last week I was sick with the flu, just in time for me to start menses! (Yes boys, I am talking about my period. I am sorry.. :P)
Yay!
So I am guessing that's what is causing my fatigue since it happens every month at exactly the same time.
I haven't had much cramping like I did last month.. Last month was very painful and I experienced sharp pains every single day until it was over. Nope. This month there is very little cramping.
I got migraine headaches instead! Ohh I can't tell you how challenging work is when you stare at a computer all day long while talking, and you have brain pain. The words on the screen start to move around in circles and get blurry. Between calls I put my face in my hands and closed my peepers to give them a much needed break.
That coupled with the fatigue makes me worry about my job performance. I had a "quality review" last Wednesday actually, on the 12th where I was actually feeling under the weather and scored 100%!! I can do this job in my sleep (sometimes I do.. At home though.. In my dreams! Lol!)
I should be okay.
I reluctantly had to change my availability so that I don't work past 10pm. I am so very tired all the time. Nothing helps. I tried sleeping more. I tried sleeping less. I tried coffee, protein shakes, fresh water, raw foods, and vitamins.. Anything to get my energy back up! It won't.. I'm still keeping my workouts consistant though! Exercise can improve energy (just not for me! Lol!)
I'm hoping my migraines and chronic fatigue go away when my period does (oops! There's that "P" word again! Sorry boys! Lol!)
I have an appointment with a gynaecologist on Feb 8th. It's a good thing I started this blog so that I could keep track of everything eh? I think there was something else I wanted to mention but I'm so tired I don't remember what it was.. Anyways..
I'm going to lay down and try to get some sleep. I hope it gets quiet soon.. (Very noisy house right now)
OH!
I remembered what it was..
My appetite! It is CRAZY right now! Maybe cuz of the workouts?? I'm not sure, but I want to eat stuff ALL THE TIME. Unfortunately I crave foods I shouldn't be eating.. Like pizza, and I'm on a cookie craze right now. I can't seem to get enough cookies.. My sister is baking chocolate chip cookies and just thinking about them makes my mouth water.. Baking is her specialty!!
Om nom nom nom
Ok goodnight lovies!! Hahaha!!
Xoxoxo
M.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Into The Fire!!
Good morning, lovies! I'm sorry I have not posted in awhile. Unfortunately the old saying "no news is good news" doesn't apply here today :(
This week has been a toughie for me, and I've been trying to overcome the obstacles put in front of me. Namely, this naughtyfever that started Thursday night!
It all started with a typical cold. Stuffy nose, sore throat, and maybe a little cough. That was Wednesday. On Thursday it became accompanied by fever and chills, but with my stubbornness, optimism, and some Advil, I managed to subdue the symptoms long enough to return to work on Friday.
I swear, I was fine on Friday! I was very energetic at work and except for a little tightness in the throat, I was ok. I CONVINCED myself I was ok.. Again, with some stubbornness, optimism, and Advil.
This morning however..
The fever is back with an even more sore throat (infection perhaps??) Bodyaches and something else I dread. Abdominal pain.
Abdominal pain + fever means doctor's visit. When doctor's find out you have a fever AND abdominal pain, it usually means hospital. Last July I had this issue and had to undergo numerous tests to rule out infections/appendicitis/gallbladder issues/cancer/you name it.
I'm hoping that if this is a repeat from July that they won't have to do all that. Just skip it because my tests were all negative! They just found a suspicious mass on my ovary, and I'm pretty sure I had the flu or something.
My motto has always been "go big or go home" (bodybuilding term hehehe) and unfortunately the same motto goes for viruses/bacteria that enter my body!!
I'm very upset that I have to miss more work to see a doctor because I have a stupid fever and stupid abdominal pain (which can best be described as a sharp, sudden pain that shoots laterally across my navel). I do not know what that means.. I'm sad because the last place I want to be when I'm sick is a doctor's office or an emergency room!!
It's probably nothing serious like last time.
I'll keep you guys posted!!
Peace out! Ciao! Au revoir!
Xoxoxoxo
M.
This week has been a toughie for me, and I've been trying to overcome the obstacles put in front of me. Namely, this naughtyfever that started Thursday night!
It all started with a typical cold. Stuffy nose, sore throat, and maybe a little cough. That was Wednesday. On Thursday it became accompanied by fever and chills, but with my stubbornness, optimism, and some Advil, I managed to subdue the symptoms long enough to return to work on Friday.
I swear, I was fine on Friday! I was very energetic at work and except for a little tightness in the throat, I was ok. I CONVINCED myself I was ok.. Again, with some stubbornness, optimism, and Advil.
This morning however..
The fever is back with an even more sore throat (infection perhaps??) Bodyaches and something else I dread. Abdominal pain.
Abdominal pain + fever means doctor's visit. When doctor's find out you have a fever AND abdominal pain, it usually means hospital. Last July I had this issue and had to undergo numerous tests to rule out infections/appendicitis/gallbladder issues/cancer/you name it.
I'm hoping that if this is a repeat from July that they won't have to do all that. Just skip it because my tests were all negative! They just found a suspicious mass on my ovary, and I'm pretty sure I had the flu or something.
My motto has always been "go big or go home" (bodybuilding term hehehe) and unfortunately the same motto goes for viruses/bacteria that enter my body!!
I'm very upset that I have to miss more work to see a doctor because I have a stupid fever and stupid abdominal pain (which can best be described as a sharp, sudden pain that shoots laterally across my navel). I do not know what that means.. I'm sad because the last place I want to be when I'm sick is a doctor's office or an emergency room!!
It's probably nothing serious like last time.
I'll keep you guys posted!!
Peace out! Ciao! Au revoir!
Xoxoxoxo
M.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Return Of The Forbidden Dangerbelly
My stomach growls.
My stomach turns.
My stomach hurts.
My stomach burns!
My tummy spins
My brow is sweaty
The room is twirling
I think I'm ready..
To go home because I don't feel good and I wanna curl up in my bed and hug my stuffed animals!
Namaste! I hope you like my sad little poem! Lol! I am regretfully leaving work early because of NAUSEA! What a let down! I think I mentioned it before but I love my job. I spend more waking hours there than anywhere else. I have friends there, I laugh, I smile, I have good times.. Sometimes I get sad when I have to take two days off!
Ovulation and nausea sometimes go hand-in-hand because (I think) of the rise in estrogen levels. I am speaking frankly of course.. Since I heard that estrogen = nausea from a pharmacist once and I don't really have any factual proof.
Soooo
I ovulated yesterday, and today I get dangerbelly. So disappointing! Normally ginger tea is enough to keep it at bay, but I had 2 cups at work and nothing was helping. I mean NOTHING!
I need to focus on my job to perform efficiently and accuracy, and when the room spins and my belly aches, it's hard to do that.
So, I shall go home and rest up and perhaps have a small serving of applesauce when I'm ready to negotiate food.
Tomorrow I'm gonna seize the day! I won't let dangerbelly get me down!!
Om mani padme hum
Lovelovelove
Xoxoxo
KEEP GOING!!!
M.
My stomach turns.
My stomach hurts.
My stomach burns!
My tummy spins
My brow is sweaty
The room is twirling
I think I'm ready..
To go home because I don't feel good and I wanna curl up in my bed and hug my stuffed animals!
Namaste! I hope you like my sad little poem! Lol! I am regretfully leaving work early because of NAUSEA! What a let down! I think I mentioned it before but I love my job. I spend more waking hours there than anywhere else. I have friends there, I laugh, I smile, I have good times.. Sometimes I get sad when I have to take two days off!
Ovulation and nausea sometimes go hand-in-hand because (I think) of the rise in estrogen levels. I am speaking frankly of course.. Since I heard that estrogen = nausea from a pharmacist once and I don't really have any factual proof.
Soooo
I ovulated yesterday, and today I get dangerbelly. So disappointing! Normally ginger tea is enough to keep it at bay, but I had 2 cups at work and nothing was helping. I mean NOTHING!
I need to focus on my job to perform efficiently and accuracy, and when the room spins and my belly aches, it's hard to do that.
So, I shall go home and rest up and perhaps have a small serving of applesauce when I'm ready to negotiate food.
Tomorrow I'm gonna seize the day! I won't let dangerbelly get me down!!
Om mani padme hum
Lovelovelove
Xoxoxo
KEEP GOING!!!
M.
Keep Going!!
Namaste! The title of this blog is inspired from a brave lady/cancer survivor who wrote a blog with the same title. Her words inspire me every day and remind me to "KEEP GOING!!" :)
This morning I was awoken at 8am to ovulate. Most women can't tell when they ovulate. For me, I always know. It's a sudden, sharp pain that starts in the ovary, and radiates to the hip and down my leg. It's very painful, and I often take over-the-counter medications to take the edge off so that I can go back to sleep. I work late night. Tonight I was off at midnight!! All week has been tough for sleeping. I wake up a lot and can't fall back asleep!
I hope tonight's rest is a bit more peaceful :)
Despite being awoken by such piercing pain, I reminded myself of those brave words: "Keep going". So I kept going! My optimism and energy + love in my heart fueled me for the day ahead of me. My 8 hour shift was filled with laughter and smiles! That's how it should be! Have fun doing whatever it is you are doing. Laughter is the best medicine.
I was very blessed to have very little pain this week. I know I can handle it! I'm tough! Lol!
It also snowed today and snow always makes me smile! Yippeeeee!
Well I'm off to bed now. Another big day tomorrow! It's been a very busy week!
I offer you my love energy, complete with lots of hugs and smiling eyes!!
Remember to keep going!
Xoxoxo
M.
This morning I was awoken at 8am to ovulate. Most women can't tell when they ovulate. For me, I always know. It's a sudden, sharp pain that starts in the ovary, and radiates to the hip and down my leg. It's very painful, and I often take over-the-counter medications to take the edge off so that I can go back to sleep. I work late night. Tonight I was off at midnight!! All week has been tough for sleeping. I wake up a lot and can't fall back asleep!
I hope tonight's rest is a bit more peaceful :)
Despite being awoken by such piercing pain, I reminded myself of those brave words: "Keep going". So I kept going! My optimism and energy + love in my heart fueled me for the day ahead of me. My 8 hour shift was filled with laughter and smiles! That's how it should be! Have fun doing whatever it is you are doing. Laughter is the best medicine.
I was very blessed to have very little pain this week. I know I can handle it! I'm tough! Lol!
It also snowed today and snow always makes me smile! Yippeeeee!
Well I'm off to bed now. Another big day tomorrow! It's been a very busy week!
I offer you my love energy, complete with lots of hugs and smiling eyes!!
Remember to keep going!
Xoxoxo
M.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Practice Makes Perfect!!!
Buon Gournoooo lovies!! Namaste! Very early "good morning" to you.
My Sunday was a very interesting day to say the least!! Let's just say the whole positive-thinking-gung-ho-optimistic-thang was a bit of a flop. Not entirely, but I had hit a rough patch during the day that was hard to get out of.
First I'll start off with how I felt: very TIRED! Very sore (ovulating again I think.. Oddly enough. Didn't I just DO that???)
I had inexplicably filled my head with SELF-DOUBT. Self-deprication!! Not "poor-me" just.. Not feeling good about myself. Not feeling confident, or beautiful or worthy.
Let me begin to explain something that is a fact of life: if you have gibbled hormones, it is written all over your face in the form of ACNE!! Not only am I experiencing fine lines, but I have acne too! OH MAN! I'm almost 25 and I still get breakouts! Good grief! So I don't feel pretty unless I cake makeup on. Another reason I cake it on is to hide my "sick look." That's right. I look sick. I am very pale, and I have dark circles under my eyes. I think it's anemia. I take my iron daily, but I don't eat meat. I also lose more blood than the average woman on a monthly basis.. It may even be an absorption issue, I don't really know. Either way, I just feel run down sometimes.. I'm tryin so hard to shut those little voices up! You know, the ones that go "oh you need to work out, you need to do better at this, you need to be prettier/skinnier/smarter/nicer."
Take a fuckin hike, negativity!!
Anyways, I'm in far better spirits now. I have wonderful friends, and a silly, wonderful, lovable family!! It's important not to lose focus on what really matters!
Love yourself today! Remove all self-doubt! Give yourself a hug! There's only one YOU so be the best YOU you can be.
Do something nice for someone. Today I cheered up a friend with a picture. It was simple, but it was intended to be a visual loveletter. I hoped it helped make her smile :)
I also enjoy writing happyletters via e-mail on my blackberry gadget to people. I always write stories. Sometimes, too many stories!! I have so much to write about! I do everything on my Blackberry though because I can text way faster than writing by hand!! Although the written word is very beautiful.
Anyways, I've gone off topic. It's time for me to rest my head.
Om shanti
Lovekissesandhugzzzzz
M.
Xoxoxoxo
My Sunday was a very interesting day to say the least!! Let's just say the whole positive-thinking-gung-ho-optimistic-thang was a bit of a flop. Not entirely, but I had hit a rough patch during the day that was hard to get out of.
First I'll start off with how I felt: very TIRED! Very sore (ovulating again I think.. Oddly enough. Didn't I just DO that???)
I had inexplicably filled my head with SELF-DOUBT. Self-deprication!! Not "poor-me" just.. Not feeling good about myself. Not feeling confident, or beautiful or worthy.
Let me begin to explain something that is a fact of life: if you have gibbled hormones, it is written all over your face in the form of ACNE!! Not only am I experiencing fine lines, but I have acne too! OH MAN! I'm almost 25 and I still get breakouts! Good grief! So I don't feel pretty unless I cake makeup on. Another reason I cake it on is to hide my "sick look." That's right. I look sick. I am very pale, and I have dark circles under my eyes. I think it's anemia. I take my iron daily, but I don't eat meat. I also lose more blood than the average woman on a monthly basis.. It may even be an absorption issue, I don't really know. Either way, I just feel run down sometimes.. I'm tryin so hard to shut those little voices up! You know, the ones that go "oh you need to work out, you need to do better at this, you need to be prettier/skinnier/smarter/nicer."
Take a fuckin hike, negativity!!
Anyways, I'm in far better spirits now. I have wonderful friends, and a silly, wonderful, lovable family!! It's important not to lose focus on what really matters!
Love yourself today! Remove all self-doubt! Give yourself a hug! There's only one YOU so be the best YOU you can be.
Do something nice for someone. Today I cheered up a friend with a picture. It was simple, but it was intended to be a visual loveletter. I hoped it helped make her smile :)
I also enjoy writing happyletters via e-mail on my blackberry gadget to people. I always write stories. Sometimes, too many stories!! I have so much to write about! I do everything on my Blackberry though because I can text way faster than writing by hand!! Although the written word is very beautiful.
Anyways, I've gone off topic. It's time for me to rest my head.
Om shanti
Lovekissesandhugzzzzz
M.
Xoxoxoxo
Sunday, January 2, 2011
New Year's REVOLUTIONS!!
Namaste!! Depending on where you are, this is very early to begin blogging, non?
I had a thought today.. Instead of making a New Year's resolution, make a REVOLUTION!!
I plan to revolutionize my life by doing one thing and one thing only:
Being OPTIMISTIC! Positive thinking! Cheery happy thoughts! Never say anything that could get ya into trouble!
Easier said than done right?
We all have troubles "living every day as if it's your last." We all have a tough time being cheerful or optimistic all the time. Sometimes things happen that will rip your defensive mask of optimism right off your face!
These happen to TEACH us. We all learn from our mistakes. It's part of life. It's part of growing, maturing, and evolving as we move through this gongshow we call "life"!
It's awesome though.
A lot of the times, when I describe some of the daily challenges I go through, or tell people about my health battles, I hear "that must suck!" Or "I'm so sorry to hear that!" Or "it must be so hard for you!"
To be honest, it doesn't suck. There's no need to be sorry, and it's not that hard, as long as I keep up my fighting spirit.
Some days are hard. I won't lie. Sometimes it takes all my strength just to get out of bed.. But I do it! I have to! I need to constantly challenge myself! Without of course, over-doing it.. God knows I tend to over-do it!!
It takes getting used to the idea that I'm not like I was in 2008.. Fit, energetic, and totally healthy. Shit happens.. But you know what? I'm stronger for it. I'm evolving.
We are all ever-evolving.
So make something happen. Revolutionize your life! Or someone else's! Do something MEANINGFUL that can help you GROW as a person!
Don't work too hard though! Haha!
Cheers,
M.
Xoxoxo
I had a thought today.. Instead of making a New Year's resolution, make a REVOLUTION!!
I plan to revolutionize my life by doing one thing and one thing only:
Being OPTIMISTIC! Positive thinking! Cheery happy thoughts! Never say anything that could get ya into trouble!
Easier said than done right?
We all have troubles "living every day as if it's your last." We all have a tough time being cheerful or optimistic all the time. Sometimes things happen that will rip your defensive mask of optimism right off your face!
These happen to TEACH us. We all learn from our mistakes. It's part of life. It's part of growing, maturing, and evolving as we move through this gongshow we call "life"!
It's awesome though.
A lot of the times, when I describe some of the daily challenges I go through, or tell people about my health battles, I hear "that must suck!" Or "I'm so sorry to hear that!" Or "it must be so hard for you!"
To be honest, it doesn't suck. There's no need to be sorry, and it's not that hard, as long as I keep up my fighting spirit.
Some days are hard. I won't lie. Sometimes it takes all my strength just to get out of bed.. But I do it! I have to! I need to constantly challenge myself! Without of course, over-doing it.. God knows I tend to over-do it!!
It takes getting used to the idea that I'm not like I was in 2008.. Fit, energetic, and totally healthy. Shit happens.. But you know what? I'm stronger for it. I'm evolving.
We are all ever-evolving.
So make something happen. Revolutionize your life! Or someone else's! Do something MEANINGFUL that can help you GROW as a person!
Don't work too hard though! Haha!
Cheers,
M.
Xoxoxo
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