Namaste!
I got my period today!
I woke up to that all too familiar stabbing-in-the-uterus sensation. The pain was intense. Woke me right up.
Today I start day one of my hormone treatment. It's a nuva ring. I like how convenient it is, just stick it up there and go. It's cool.
I also took some Advil to help the pain. Fredders is helping too, by curling up on my feet! Lol!
I'll keep updating with how treatmeng progresses, and keep track of the side effects I experience.
Ciao for now!
Xoxoxoxo
M.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
What's New With Me?
Some exciting stuff going on with me.. More depression, but not as much as before. I find I feel better when I spend only minimal amounts of time at home.
I usually leave in the early afternoon and return after everyones gone to bed to avoid conflicts.. However, I cannot hide from the written word.
It seems if any family member is angry at me because I didn't do something, or I did something wrong, I get a letter about it. Sometimes a note posted to my door, other times, an angry facebook message or text. I thought I was making everyone happier by just staying away. Apparently not.
I was home all day on Monday but nobody made a conscious effort to confront me about an issue with me closing my bedroom door. Unbeknownst to me, the cats try to "claw" their way inside my room when the door is shut. This caused conflict and resulted in a threat via written letter that I either keep the door open, or it comes off it's hinges.
Immature? I thought so.
I was dealing with my depression rather successfully for the past two weeks. I'm working towards a job promotion I think I deserve. I've worked with the same company for two years, and I have maintained excellent attendance and productivity throughout my employment. Tomorrow I have an interview.
My fear is that if I don't get the job, that I will spiral into a dark depression even worse than the one I just climbed out of. I don't take bad news lightly. In fact, I mentally beat myself up over it for months. It's bad enough my family thinks I'm a failure.
Ever since the surgery they've grown increasingly distant. Especially my mom. I have no idea why. I guess the idea that I have a "disease" is too much for them to deal with.. And it's easier to just not deal with me. I have endometriosis, but endometriosis does NOT have ME.
Instead of pursuing meaningless relationships I've decided to channel my energy into my job. Working makes me happy. It makes me feel accomplished.. It makes me feel useful. It's my only responsibility and it's one I take very seriously. I know if I work hard that I can accomplish anything. Other people seem to have a difficult time understanding that. Most 25 year old women want a husband and a baby. Not me. I've come to face reality that I'm not having a family. I've accepted that.
And I'm okay with it.
Now post-op details:
My period is 8 days late.. And my pain has mysteriously disappeared. I have the odd "ghost cramp" which feels like a mild cramp but comes and goes at spontaneous intervals. I'm anxious for it to start because when my period starts, I can start the hormone treatment.
I've had mood swings and fatigue but no other symptoms. I'm not sure if this is normal or not. I guess if it continues for another month or so I'll call my doctor.
I usually leave in the early afternoon and return after everyones gone to bed to avoid conflicts.. However, I cannot hide from the written word.
It seems if any family member is angry at me because I didn't do something, or I did something wrong, I get a letter about it. Sometimes a note posted to my door, other times, an angry facebook message or text. I thought I was making everyone happier by just staying away. Apparently not.
I was home all day on Monday but nobody made a conscious effort to confront me about an issue with me closing my bedroom door. Unbeknownst to me, the cats try to "claw" their way inside my room when the door is shut. This caused conflict and resulted in a threat via written letter that I either keep the door open, or it comes off it's hinges.
Immature? I thought so.
I was dealing with my depression rather successfully for the past two weeks. I'm working towards a job promotion I think I deserve. I've worked with the same company for two years, and I have maintained excellent attendance and productivity throughout my employment. Tomorrow I have an interview.
My fear is that if I don't get the job, that I will spiral into a dark depression even worse than the one I just climbed out of. I don't take bad news lightly. In fact, I mentally beat myself up over it for months. It's bad enough my family thinks I'm a failure.
Ever since the surgery they've grown increasingly distant. Especially my mom. I have no idea why. I guess the idea that I have a "disease" is too much for them to deal with.. And it's easier to just not deal with me. I have endometriosis, but endometriosis does NOT have ME.
Instead of pursuing meaningless relationships I've decided to channel my energy into my job. Working makes me happy. It makes me feel accomplished.. It makes me feel useful. It's my only responsibility and it's one I take very seriously. I know if I work hard that I can accomplish anything. Other people seem to have a difficult time understanding that. Most 25 year old women want a husband and a baby. Not me. I've come to face reality that I'm not having a family. I've accepted that.
And I'm okay with it.
Now post-op details:
My period is 8 days late.. And my pain has mysteriously disappeared. I have the odd "ghost cramp" which feels like a mild cramp but comes and goes at spontaneous intervals. I'm anxious for it to start because when my period starts, I can start the hormone treatment.
I've had mood swings and fatigue but no other symptoms. I'm not sure if this is normal or not. I guess if it continues for another month or so I'll call my doctor.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Emotional Aftermath
Today marks exactly 4 weeks since my surgery.
I knew what to expect physically, but nobody told me what the emotional aftermath would be like.
I'm aware that many endometriosis patients suffer from depression. I'm no different. It's not uncommon to go through a grieving process after been diagnosed. All your fears of having something wrong with you are confirmed. Any flicker of hope that everything is fine start to disappear and it's time to come to terms with the fact that you have a disease that has no cure.
The worst part about endometriosis is the infertility. No matter what stage you're in, there's a chance you may never have a family. Women with stage IV are more likely to be infertile due to adhesions, scar tissue, and deep lesions damaging the reproductive organs.. But it doesn't explain the infertility in women with mild to moderate cases of endometriosis.
Some theories state that the immune system is involved somehow.. Others state that the endometriosis lesions, even the microscopic ones, release hormones that interfere with conception. Some women can only have one child.. Some can't have any.. And some become pregnant but miscarry every time.
The infertility rate is around 30-40%, making endometriosis the leading cause of infertility. About 10% of women of reproductive age have been diagnosed with endometriosis. The spontaneous abortion rate is a staggering 50%.. So those women who try for years to have children end up not being able to keep a pregnancy.
Awful isn't it?
All these numbers are swirling around my head.. The studies have been confirmed by numberous endometriosis associations. The only thing unconfirmed is why it happens.
I'm 25 years old. I'm single. I haven't been in a long-term relationship in over a year. I'm now learning that I may never have children. It's hard to communicate my feelings with people.. Especially my family as they don't seem to believe me. They're excited over all the other pregnancies going on with their friends, neighbors, and other relatives that they haven't taken much notice to my recent melancholy.
I spent the last two weeks working as hard as I can to try and forget. It works too, but as soon as I come home I'm back to where I was before. Depressed.. Unmotivated, and feeling sorry for myself. I don't like being so pathetic, but I have no idea how to handle it. All I do is think about how much I want to find someone special and have a family of my own. All I do is think about how sick I am, and what's going to happen next. I feel like nobody wants a sick girlfriend so I'm reluctant to start dating again. The last boyfriend I had broke my heart severely and blamed it on my illness.
I don't know what to do at this point. I feel very alone. I used to be so happy and optimistic, and it's evident when looking at my previous postings.
I need help but I don't know where to find it.
I knew what to expect physically, but nobody told me what the emotional aftermath would be like.
I'm aware that many endometriosis patients suffer from depression. I'm no different. It's not uncommon to go through a grieving process after been diagnosed. All your fears of having something wrong with you are confirmed. Any flicker of hope that everything is fine start to disappear and it's time to come to terms with the fact that you have a disease that has no cure.
The worst part about endometriosis is the infertility. No matter what stage you're in, there's a chance you may never have a family. Women with stage IV are more likely to be infertile due to adhesions, scar tissue, and deep lesions damaging the reproductive organs.. But it doesn't explain the infertility in women with mild to moderate cases of endometriosis.
Some theories state that the immune system is involved somehow.. Others state that the endometriosis lesions, even the microscopic ones, release hormones that interfere with conception. Some women can only have one child.. Some can't have any.. And some become pregnant but miscarry every time.
The infertility rate is around 30-40%, making endometriosis the leading cause of infertility. About 10% of women of reproductive age have been diagnosed with endometriosis. The spontaneous abortion rate is a staggering 50%.. So those women who try for years to have children end up not being able to keep a pregnancy.
Awful isn't it?
All these numbers are swirling around my head.. The studies have been confirmed by numberous endometriosis associations. The only thing unconfirmed is why it happens.
I'm 25 years old. I'm single. I haven't been in a long-term relationship in over a year. I'm now learning that I may never have children. It's hard to communicate my feelings with people.. Especially my family as they don't seem to believe me. They're excited over all the other pregnancies going on with their friends, neighbors, and other relatives that they haven't taken much notice to my recent melancholy.
I spent the last two weeks working as hard as I can to try and forget. It works too, but as soon as I come home I'm back to where I was before. Depressed.. Unmotivated, and feeling sorry for myself. I don't like being so pathetic, but I have no idea how to handle it. All I do is think about how much I want to find someone special and have a family of my own. All I do is think about how sick I am, and what's going to happen next. I feel like nobody wants a sick girlfriend so I'm reluctant to start dating again. The last boyfriend I had broke my heart severely and blamed it on my illness.
I don't know what to do at this point. I feel very alone. I used to be so happy and optimistic, and it's evident when looking at my previous postings.
I need help but I don't know where to find it.
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