Namaste!
Today's appointment went well. I told my gynaecologist that I want to do the laparoscopy (and I also learned how to say it properly and how to spell it! Lol!)
I had to sign a bunch of things and check through a bunch of things. You know, diabetes, cancer, heart problems, whether or not I smoke, and list of my prescription drugs etc.
I also signed a consent form that if I start bleeding to allow them to slice me open and/or do a blood transfusion.
I also booked a date.
My surgery will be April 4th.
The doc explained that they'll make an incision in my belly button and if they find endometriosis, they'll make a few more incisions so they can remove it.
There's a chance I could bleed, get an infection, lose an ovary, etc etc. And I'm worried about one thing: scarring.
I'm worried I'm going to get poked with holes and have dents like a fender bender. How vain is that??
A lot of men my age want women to be perfect. If they see my scars, they might get freaked out. If they find out my ovaries don't work, they can't "deal with it". They get angry and frustrated because I'm celibate due to the fact that I refuse to partake in sex because it hurts. Some of them think I'm too fat, too thin, too pale or my boobs or too small.
Then I'll have poke-hole scars to go with that??
Shit.
I shouldn't let that bother me, but I do. Most of my paranoia is in my head anyways I'm sure.
I only dated one guy who thought I was damaged goods because I have "a disease". He put me down so much and he was really the only guy who did..he did it all AS he was dumping me! Nobody else had ever treated me so badly..But it hurt so much. It hurt so much that I haven't dated since.. Even if I'm attracted to someone I can't muster up the courage to tell him because I fear rejection.
I feel I have nothing to offer to anyone.
I need to stop feeling that way.
Not all men just want some young hot chick to hit the sheets with. Not all men want kids either.. And not all men are shallow and superficial. I can't let one bad relationship ruin my views on the male gender. That's not fair.
There's someone out there for me :3
Someone else who likes stupid Youtube videos, lolcats, SNFU, and Nintendo. Someone who is nice and smart and makes me laugh and understands my weird sense of humour. Most of all, someone who likes me for ME!
Anyways, I have to go. I'll pour out my bleeding broken heart later lol!!
I'm such a dork.
Bye!
Xoxo
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Good Morning, Mother Nature!!
Namaste!!
To all my male readers, you may wanna skip reading this post!
Cover your eyes!
It's about..
Dun!
Dun!
Dun!
MY PERIOD!!
I must keep track of them. I was pain-free most of the day but now, at 1am, I am now in pain.. And for some reason, I have terrible gas. Wtf did I EAT??? Sheesh! I think my IBS is acting up too. *gurglegurglegurgle*
Good thing I'm sleeping alone, lovies! I don't even think my cat would wanna cuddle me now! And he's pretty stinky! Haha!
Let's see.. I had a spinach salad, red pepper, mushrooms, and a balsamic vineger/olive oil dressing. I eat this almost every single day without an issue. What gives??? Hormones. I keep telling myself it's hormones.
Just like the cramps!
I took an Advil to help ease the pain. The first night of my period is often one of little sleep. I also have to keep going pee despite cutting off my liquid consumption several hours before bedtime!! Grrr.
Then there's the cold which I still have. Sore throat, cough, stuffy nose goodness. All these problems always happen at once.. Like last month when I got the flu and then my period right after! Lol!
Is this supposed to happen?
I sure hope not.
My niece has also been sick which means sleepless nights for everyone. Cranky toddlers are very vocal when they are sick. She's been doing well today though. She sounds like Peter Brady going through puberty! Lol! She sounds funny and she knows it. She'll just randomly make a loud noise just to laugh at herself. Sounds like something I would do! Hahaha!
Since we're both sick we can make funny noises together.
I sound very funny when I'm sick, my voice going from extreme highs to extreme lows with some squeaks in between. It makes my job interesting. Talking for 6 and a half hours today was very trying on my tender throat and I am without a voice entirely right now.
However, my chattering monkey mind won't let me rest so I am just texting like a maniac, and blogging too. I have been overcome with this desire to communicate and tell fart jokes.
Speaking of farts there is this guy on Twitter.. No lie.. And he goes by the name "Fart Robot". Everytime tweets about farts he will "re-tweet" with the words "FART ROBOT APPROVES"
I cannot get enough of it!!
Yes, readers, I'm a twelve year old inside!
I have a Snoopy keychain and Hello Kitty pajamas. I am not ashamed.
You know what else I can't get enough of? Fisherman's Friends!!!
They don't do much, because my package is from a year ago.. And it's lost it's potency. It's basically just cherry candy now.
I like the original ones with the eucalyptus oil. Helps ya breathe better!! Maybe it's eating so many cough candies which is making my tummy mad??
It's not food after all.
Anyways I really should try to relax and rest so that I can get over my cold and back in the gym where I belong!
Night night!! Sleep tight!
Don't let Twitter keep you up all night! Lol!
Xoxoxo
M.
To all my male readers, you may wanna skip reading this post!
Cover your eyes!
It's about..
Dun!
Dun!
Dun!
MY PERIOD!!
I must keep track of them. I was pain-free most of the day but now, at 1am, I am now in pain.. And for some reason, I have terrible gas. Wtf did I EAT??? Sheesh! I think my IBS is acting up too. *gurglegurglegurgle*
Good thing I'm sleeping alone, lovies! I don't even think my cat would wanna cuddle me now! And he's pretty stinky! Haha!
Let's see.. I had a spinach salad, red pepper, mushrooms, and a balsamic vineger/olive oil dressing. I eat this almost every single day without an issue. What gives??? Hormones. I keep telling myself it's hormones.
Just like the cramps!
I took an Advil to help ease the pain. The first night of my period is often one of little sleep. I also have to keep going pee despite cutting off my liquid consumption several hours before bedtime!! Grrr.
Then there's the cold which I still have. Sore throat, cough, stuffy nose goodness. All these problems always happen at once.. Like last month when I got the flu and then my period right after! Lol!
Is this supposed to happen?
I sure hope not.
My niece has also been sick which means sleepless nights for everyone. Cranky toddlers are very vocal when they are sick. She's been doing well today though. She sounds like Peter Brady going through puberty! Lol! She sounds funny and she knows it. She'll just randomly make a loud noise just to laugh at herself. Sounds like something I would do! Hahaha!
Since we're both sick we can make funny noises together.
I sound very funny when I'm sick, my voice going from extreme highs to extreme lows with some squeaks in between. It makes my job interesting. Talking for 6 and a half hours today was very trying on my tender throat and I am without a voice entirely right now.
However, my chattering monkey mind won't let me rest so I am just texting like a maniac, and blogging too. I have been overcome with this desire to communicate and tell fart jokes.
Speaking of farts there is this guy on Twitter.. No lie.. And he goes by the name "Fart Robot". Everytime tweets about farts he will "re-tweet" with the words "FART ROBOT APPROVES"
I cannot get enough of it!!
Yes, readers, I'm a twelve year old inside!
I have a Snoopy keychain and Hello Kitty pajamas. I am not ashamed.
You know what else I can't get enough of? Fisherman's Friends!!!
They don't do much, because my package is from a year ago.. And it's lost it's potency. It's basically just cherry candy now.
I like the original ones with the eucalyptus oil. Helps ya breathe better!! Maybe it's eating so many cough candies which is making my tummy mad??
It's not food after all.
Anyways I really should try to relax and rest so that I can get over my cold and back in the gym where I belong!
Night night!! Sleep tight!
Don't let Twitter keep you up all night! Lol!
Xoxoxo
M.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
It's Not Over Yet!!
Namaste readers!
I find myself in better spirits today.
the title of this blog "It's Not Over Yet" may leave you thinking "what's not over?"
WINTER! Cold season! Coughing, sneezing, sore throats and red noses! Blahhh!
I seem to have become afflicted with a cold somehow. I eat healthy, sleep on average 8-9 hours a night, take my vitamins, go to the gym twice a week and I get SICK!
I know it's not fair. Crappy immune systems are common in women with endometriosis apparently.. As is chronic fatigue, allergies, and tummy problems.
I'm drinking tea, eating fruit, taking zinc, and resting for now even though I went to the gym earlier today.
I gotta keep the routine going!!
The worst part is the sore throat. I can deal with a stuffy nose but I need my voice because my job is TALKING!!
Bleh.. I can't afford anymore sick days. I missed a week last month from the flu, and next month I'm flying out to Manitoba for a week.. Then I have to get my surgery eventually. Losing those hours means less money for bills and things that MUST be paid!! I also like to have some spending money for fun.
This past week I've been spending too much!!
I bought some things I don't need, went out for dinner and drinks, and just wasn't responsible. I can't be doing that.
At least I bought some healthy foods and whatnot first!
Anyways..
I'm going to rest up and eat some healthy healing foods so I can feel better to start my work week tomorrow.
I'm crossing my fingers that I don't get a fever!!
Xoxoxo
M.
I find myself in better spirits today.
the title of this blog "It's Not Over Yet" may leave you thinking "what's not over?"
WINTER! Cold season! Coughing, sneezing, sore throats and red noses! Blahhh!
I seem to have become afflicted with a cold somehow. I eat healthy, sleep on average 8-9 hours a night, take my vitamins, go to the gym twice a week and I get SICK!
I know it's not fair. Crappy immune systems are common in women with endometriosis apparently.. As is chronic fatigue, allergies, and tummy problems.
I'm drinking tea, eating fruit, taking zinc, and resting for now even though I went to the gym earlier today.
I gotta keep the routine going!!
The worst part is the sore throat. I can deal with a stuffy nose but I need my voice because my job is TALKING!!
Bleh.. I can't afford anymore sick days. I missed a week last month from the flu, and next month I'm flying out to Manitoba for a week.. Then I have to get my surgery eventually. Losing those hours means less money for bills and things that MUST be paid!! I also like to have some spending money for fun.
This past week I've been spending too much!!
I bought some things I don't need, went out for dinner and drinks, and just wasn't responsible. I can't be doing that.
At least I bought some healthy foods and whatnot first!
Anyways..
I'm going to rest up and eat some healthy healing foods so I can feel better to start my work week tomorrow.
I'm crossing my fingers that I don't get a fever!!
Xoxoxo
M.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
A Lesson In REALITY
I keep feeling crummy.
Not everyday, mind you, but I can't help but let my mind wander when it comes to the realization that I have endometriosis.
I've decided to do the surgery. I'm scared of what they'll find in there, but not as afraid or as anxious I would be not knowing.
Not knowing, to me, is worse. I want to know how bad it is, and how it affects my future.
I want to know if I can have kids or not.
In less than a month I'll be 25. I've had symptoms for 2 years. I'm single right now too. A lot of endometriosis patients are told to start their family as early as they can. After all, there is a 40% infertility rate among patients. Miscarriage risk is high too.. Not to mention ectopic pregnancies which can be life-threatening.
Needless to say, not a lot of women with endometriosis are having kids beyond their mid-20s. The disease starts in the early 20s usually, and starts spreading, growing, and destroying.
I have to face a reality that I may never have children. I don't think I'm going to meet a guy, get married, and be ready for kids before 28. By then it might be too late. It might even be too late now, I don't know.
Every time I'm with women who have kids (which is every woman in my family except myself, and most of my female friends, and friends of the family, and my neighbors) I get depressed. I can't help myself.. What if I can't have kids?? And most of the time these women seem uninterested in talking to me because they want to talk about their families and well.. I don't have one.
Why listen to what the single woman without children has to say? She's don't nothing important with her life. *rolls eyes*
I don't have a choice in the matter.. But I'm not about to blurt out "I'm single because I have a disease destroying my reproductive organs!" Just so people will stop asking me why I don't have kids or a boyfriend.
Most of the people I talk to don't know what endometriosis is. I tried sending links to endometriosis.org (which has really educated me and made me not feel so alone) to my family members but nobody will take the time to read it.. I'm told they're "busy".. But it really only requires 5-10 minutes of reading. A lot of it is in point-form too, like the symptoms for easy reading.
Which brings me to my next fear:
What if nobody believes me?
That's ok, as long as my doctor does. I just want support from my family. I don't expect them to understand.. But I want them to know what this illness is I have and try to learn about it so they know why I'm tired, or in pain, or irritable. I want them to be there if I need them. Most of the time, I just need someone to talk to..
Thanks for reading.
Xoxox
M.
Not everyday, mind you, but I can't help but let my mind wander when it comes to the realization that I have endometriosis.
I've decided to do the surgery. I'm scared of what they'll find in there, but not as afraid or as anxious I would be not knowing.
Not knowing, to me, is worse. I want to know how bad it is, and how it affects my future.
I want to know if I can have kids or not.
In less than a month I'll be 25. I've had symptoms for 2 years. I'm single right now too. A lot of endometriosis patients are told to start their family as early as they can. After all, there is a 40% infertility rate among patients. Miscarriage risk is high too.. Not to mention ectopic pregnancies which can be life-threatening.
Needless to say, not a lot of women with endometriosis are having kids beyond their mid-20s. The disease starts in the early 20s usually, and starts spreading, growing, and destroying.
I have to face a reality that I may never have children. I don't think I'm going to meet a guy, get married, and be ready for kids before 28. By then it might be too late. It might even be too late now, I don't know.
Every time I'm with women who have kids (which is every woman in my family except myself, and most of my female friends, and friends of the family, and my neighbors) I get depressed. I can't help myself.. What if I can't have kids?? And most of the time these women seem uninterested in talking to me because they want to talk about their families and well.. I don't have one.
Why listen to what the single woman without children has to say? She's don't nothing important with her life. *rolls eyes*
I don't have a choice in the matter.. But I'm not about to blurt out "I'm single because I have a disease destroying my reproductive organs!" Just so people will stop asking me why I don't have kids or a boyfriend.
Most of the people I talk to don't know what endometriosis is. I tried sending links to endometriosis.org (which has really educated me and made me not feel so alone) to my family members but nobody will take the time to read it.. I'm told they're "busy".. But it really only requires 5-10 minutes of reading. A lot of it is in point-form too, like the symptoms for easy reading.
Which brings me to my next fear:
What if nobody believes me?
That's ok, as long as my doctor does. I just want support from my family. I don't expect them to understand.. But I want them to know what this illness is I have and try to learn about it so they know why I'm tired, or in pain, or irritable. I want them to be there if I need them. Most of the time, I just need someone to talk to..
Thanks for reading.
Xoxox
M.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Doctor Day!
Namaste my faithful readers.
Today was my big appointment.
The gynocologist's verdicts was: endometriosis.
I have two choices.
1: get surgery and confirm the diagnosis + treatment at the same time or
2: hormone therapy to see if it helps the pain/shrinks the lesions.
I'm really not sure what to do! I don't know which option is the best.. Both are risky. Surgery is risky for obvious reasons.. I'm opposed to hormonal treatment too. I always get stuck with every side effect in the book!!
I cried after my appointment. Part of me hoped I was fine.. And that the pain would go away on it's own eventually. Knowing I most likely have endo reminds me of all the other horrible things that come with it. Progressing pain, infertility, cancer risk increase..
It's a lot to think about.
I'd like to hear some input from you guys!
Especially if you also have endometriosis.
What do YOU think???
Leave a comment!
My next appointment is Feb 22. I have until then to decide.
Xoxoxo
M.
Today was my big appointment.
The gynocologist's verdicts was: endometriosis.
I have two choices.
1: get surgery and confirm the diagnosis + treatment at the same time or
2: hormone therapy to see if it helps the pain/shrinks the lesions.
I'm really not sure what to do! I don't know which option is the best.. Both are risky. Surgery is risky for obvious reasons.. I'm opposed to hormonal treatment too. I always get stuck with every side effect in the book!!
I cried after my appointment. Part of me hoped I was fine.. And that the pain would go away on it's own eventually. Knowing I most likely have endo reminds me of all the other horrible things that come with it. Progressing pain, infertility, cancer risk increase..
It's a lot to think about.
I'd like to hear some input from you guys!
Especially if you also have endometriosis.
What do YOU think???
Leave a comment!
My next appointment is Feb 22. I have until then to decide.
Xoxoxo
M.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
The Name Of The Game Is PAIN!
Good morning!!
I have popped in to say a few things.
One is: I'm in pain right now. It started around 7:30. Started with a little nausea and then came the ovarian pain. Started on the right side and radiated into my hips and lower back. Then the left side got its turn: same deal, and then the pain went down my leg. I could barely sit in my chair. I've taken so many over-the-counter pain medications with very little relief provided.
I'm sad. I feel defeated. I've done so well.. I go so far as to say I'm spoiled for enjoying two weeks of no pain. Now it's as if that pain was just building up to bombard me on one day!!
I remain optimistic.
I finished my shift and did what I needed to do.
I'm just exhausted now. Irritated..
Not enjoying this!!
The right side hurts more than the left but the whole pelvis hurts really. It hurts to touch my swollen abdomen.. At least, it seems like it is swollen. Maybe it's just tender..?
Stupid ovaries!!
I hope I feel better in the morning. I have a big day. I filled it with plans of adventure!! I will tackle the day with love in my heart.
Goodnight.
Xoxoxo
M.
I have popped in to say a few things.
One is: I'm in pain right now. It started around 7:30. Started with a little nausea and then came the ovarian pain. Started on the right side and radiated into my hips and lower back. Then the left side got its turn: same deal, and then the pain went down my leg. I could barely sit in my chair. I've taken so many over-the-counter pain medications with very little relief provided.
I'm sad. I feel defeated. I've done so well.. I go so far as to say I'm spoiled for enjoying two weeks of no pain. Now it's as if that pain was just building up to bombard me on one day!!
I remain optimistic.
I finished my shift and did what I needed to do.
I'm just exhausted now. Irritated..
Not enjoying this!!
The right side hurts more than the left but the whole pelvis hurts really. It hurts to touch my swollen abdomen.. At least, it seems like it is swollen. Maybe it's just tender..?
Stupid ovaries!!
I hope I feel better in the morning. I have a big day. I filled it with plans of adventure!! I will tackle the day with love in my heart.
Goodnight.
Xoxoxo
M.
Friday, February 4, 2011
I Love Me Some HEAVY LIFTING!!
Namaste lovelies!!! Guess what? This is my first blog post I'm writing from a COMPUTER!!
That's right.
I'm also writing in the middle of the afternoon. Another first for me. Usually I write late at night, from the comforts of my bed with my blackberrygadget. Today I decided that it would be nice to write from a PC for a change. Faster typing!
Today is chaotic.
I find myself becoming easily irritated. I've started training again, and training HARD! I joined a gym the other day in fact! It heightens my mood considerably, but I accidently overdid my legs by doing an intense leg workout one day, and then running the next! OOPS! As you can imagine, I'm walking very funny. Starched-underwear-walk kinda funny. Like Frankenstein's monster.
My own fault.
I didn't intend to go running, I had forgotten my wallet at home and had to run back to grab it and then run back to the store to finish my purchase! Haha!! It was terribly embarrassing, but I impressed people with my speed! I still have it! I just.. get sore now.. Haha!
The pain in my legs is only rivalled by the pain in my OVARIES! It's that time again, time for ovulation. Usually I'm in pain for a few days up until I actually ovulate, where I'm in considerably more pain.. then I take some painkillers and wait for it to pass. The whole ordeal lasts about a week. I usually get nauseous too, and some moodswings. Exercise is helping me with the moodswings. The pain isn't as intense either, but it could just be my muscle aches distract me! Haha!
Next week I go to my first gynecologist appointment! I'm a little scared, and nervous. I guess because I anticipate a pelvic exam which are extremely painful for me. I've also been working a lot. Last night I closed. It was fun! However, it's difficult for me to stay up that late! Haha!
Also, this month is Valentine's Day! Since I don't have a date, or anyone who even seems interested in going on a date with me, I'm gonna spend February 14th loving.. MYSELF!! (Not like that you dirty birds!!!)
I'm gonna eat chocolates and play Nintendo most likely.. Or go to the gym. I love the gym. It's my favourite place.. and more slimming than eating chocolates and playing Nintendo! LOL!
I've noticed that as a single person I've become quite content. I enjoy being selfish with my time. I get to decide what I wanna do, and what I wanna watch on TV, and what I wanna eat for dinner. Nothing like babycarrots and hummus and some Colbert Report! YUP YUP! And my spinach salads.. That reminds me.. I have to go to the grocery store! EEP!
Talk to you later lovies! And remember to love yourself!!
xoxoxoxo
M
That's right.
I'm also writing in the middle of the afternoon. Another first for me. Usually I write late at night, from the comforts of my bed with my blackberrygadget. Today I decided that it would be nice to write from a PC for a change. Faster typing!
Today is chaotic.
I find myself becoming easily irritated. I've started training again, and training HARD! I joined a gym the other day in fact! It heightens my mood considerably, but I accidently overdid my legs by doing an intense leg workout one day, and then running the next! OOPS! As you can imagine, I'm walking very funny. Starched-underwear-walk kinda funny. Like Frankenstein's monster.
My own fault.
I didn't intend to go running, I had forgotten my wallet at home and had to run back to grab it and then run back to the store to finish my purchase! Haha!! It was terribly embarrassing, but I impressed people with my speed! I still have it! I just.. get sore now.. Haha!
The pain in my legs is only rivalled by the pain in my OVARIES! It's that time again, time for ovulation. Usually I'm in pain for a few days up until I actually ovulate, where I'm in considerably more pain.. then I take some painkillers and wait for it to pass. The whole ordeal lasts about a week. I usually get nauseous too, and some moodswings. Exercise is helping me with the moodswings. The pain isn't as intense either, but it could just be my muscle aches distract me! Haha!
Next week I go to my first gynecologist appointment! I'm a little scared, and nervous. I guess because I anticipate a pelvic exam which are extremely painful for me. I've also been working a lot. Last night I closed. It was fun! However, it's difficult for me to stay up that late! Haha!
Also, this month is Valentine's Day! Since I don't have a date, or anyone who even seems interested in going on a date with me, I'm gonna spend February 14th loving.. MYSELF!! (Not like that you dirty birds!!!)
I'm gonna eat chocolates and play Nintendo most likely.. Or go to the gym. I love the gym. It's my favourite place.. and more slimming than eating chocolates and playing Nintendo! LOL!
I've noticed that as a single person I've become quite content. I enjoy being selfish with my time. I get to decide what I wanna do, and what I wanna watch on TV, and what I wanna eat for dinner. Nothing like babycarrots and hummus and some Colbert Report! YUP YUP! And my spinach salads.. That reminds me.. I have to go to the grocery store! EEP!
Talk to you later lovies! And remember to love yourself!!
xoxoxoxo
M
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