Doctor's Appointment + update

Namaste!
Today's appointment went well. I told my gynaecologist that I want to do the laparoscopy (and I also learned how to say it properly and how to spell it! Lol!)

I had to sign a bunch of things and check through a bunch of things. You know, diabetes, cancer, heart problems, whether or not I smoke, and list of my prescription drugs etc.
I also signed a consent form that if I start bleeding to allow them to slice me open and/or do a blood transfusion.

I also booked a date.

My surgery will be April 4th.

The doc explained that they'll make an incision in my belly button and if they find endometriosis, they'll make a few more incisions so they can remove it.

There's a chance I could bleed, get an infection, lose an ovary, etc etc. And I'm worried about one thing: scarring.

I'm worried I'm going to get poked with holes and have dents like a fender bender. How vain is that??
A lot of men my age want women to be perfect. If they see my scars, they might get freaked out. If they find out my ovaries don't work, they can't "deal with it". They get angry and frustrated because I'm celibate due to the fact that I refuse to partake in sex because it hurts. Some of them think I'm too fat, too thin, too pale or my boobs or too small.
Then I'll have poke-hole scars to go with that??

Shit.

I shouldn't let that bother me, but I do. Most of my paranoia is in my head anyways I'm sure.
I only dated one guy who thought I was damaged goods because I have "a disease". He put me down so much and he was really the only guy who did..he did it all AS he was dumping me! Nobody else had ever treated me so badly..But it hurt so much. It hurt so much that I haven't dated since.. Even if I'm attracted to someone I can't muster up the courage to tell him because I fear rejection.
I feel I have nothing to offer to anyone.

I need to stop feeling that way.

Not all men just want some young hot chick to hit the sheets with. Not all men want kids either.. And not all men are shallow and superficial. I can't let one bad relationship ruin my views on the male gender. That's not fair.

There's someone out there for me :3
Someone else who likes stupid Youtube videos, lolcats, SNFU, and Nintendo. Someone who is nice and smart and makes me laugh and understands my weird sense of humour. Most of all, someone who likes me for ME!

Anyways, I have to go. I'll pour out my bleeding broken heart later lol!!

I'm such a dork.

Bye!

Xoxo