Self Awareness, Self Reflection..

Namaste lovelies! I trust you are all curled up in a snuggly, warm, cozy place right now as I am! It's another late night pour moi and I am blogging via my Blackberrygadget from the comforts of my own safe place -- my futon, wearing my fuzzy PJ's and my T-shirt which has DIRT BIKES on it! Yay! Lol!

I've finished my "P-word" lol! I distracted you with dirt bikes and then jump right into the period talk! So sorry!! Hahaha!
Anyways, my moods have stabilized, the pain is gone, and I can resume to being normal for another 2 weeks until ovulation pain starts!
My moodswings were hard to control this month. I actually drove one friend potentially crazy with my indecisiveness and to be blunt -- bitchy attitude!
To my special friend: I am very sorry for my behaviour. I know I've told you what is going on, and you read my blog, but it doesn't excuse the way I acted. I hope you forgive me.
I ended up telling my friend to talk to me more, and when he did, I told him it was annoying. How stupid! Who does that? Hormonal-crazy-weird. people like ME! That's who!! Just as bad as me breaking down in tears for no reason. Just about every night I would just think of something and cry. It didn't have to be sad, necessarily. I would just start crying. It was dumb! Stupid emotional/hormonal fits of FEELINGS! Sheesh!
I've come to the conclusion that if I am menstruating, that I need to just be alone for a few days with my music! If only it were that easy!

Today, on my last day, I had a case of the giggles. I was laughing all day and a little chatty. I found a magazine about dogs and on the 2nd page there were photos of little babydogs wearing jackets and little Christmas outfits. I thought it was so cute. I just kept smiling and giggling and gushing over these little dogs in the photo!! I smile just thinking about it.
I need more days like THAT!

It wouldn't be the first time my hormonal crazies got me in trouble with a friend. I've gone nutso on a few and one of them stopped speaking to me for months. We just stopped getting along. I never fully understood what the hell was going on with me until recently, and I'm starting to recognize the patterns better with my symptoms.
Now that I've seen a few doctors who have helped explain what is happening with my body, I can now start explaining to people that I can get irrational, emotional, and make absolutely no sense some days. If the pain isn't driving me crazy, it's the emotional changes coinciding with hormonal fluctuations. I am hoping that this information can help prevent me from driving people away that I care about.

The friend that I was on non-speaking terms with for several months said "hi" to me the other day and asked me how I was. It was completely unexpected, after all, I had acted like a complete shithead.
Even just a short exchange of words made the awkward silence not so awkward anymore. I'm not sure what made my friend suddenly decide to say "hi", but I'm glad. I felt a lot of shame before, and maybe I can forgive myself for that now.

For all my friends, old or new, whether we speak to each other on a regular basis or not, I wish each and every one of them the very best.

I've come to grips with the fact that I'm not "normal" and I may never be normal. Since I'm not receiving any particular treatment right now, I haven't had to deal with any side effects.. Like the 2 month nausea thing. Although I did lose 2 inches around my hips that I'm happy about! Lol!
Anyways.
I hope that with the continuation of a healthy diet and exercise that I can be stronger, and more emotionally stable.

And to my friend: I miss you very much. I'm sorry for being so weird this past week. If you see this, please know that I wish I could give you a big hug and a chocolate chip cookie. I will try super hard not to be crazy, as you're one of the few people I can talk to openly about my condition.

I feel like I've really put myself "out there", but I'm taking responsibility for my actions, and that means admitting that I was wrong. We all make mistakes. Let's all learn from them shall we?

Goodnight lovies! I cherish each and every one of you!

Bon nuit!
Arrivederci!
Sayanora!!

Xoxoxoxo

M.