Ten Things I Hate About Endo!!

Hi readers! It's been a rough couple of days here. I had two days off from work and wouldn't you know it? I get my period. However, I'm thankful I got it on my days off because I don't think I could have worked through that kind of pain! Yesterday wasn't so bad. It was a beautiful day and I decided to go for a bike ride. It was a lot of fun. I went to the park, did trails, rode around the neighborhood, climbed hills.. Unfortunately I was greeted at home with immense pain afterwards.. But I didn't let it get me down!
Then the next day I was extremely fatigued. I felt drained all day long and the pain was intense. I found it difficult to get out of bed. I was horizontal for most of the day, drifting in and out.. Drowsing and struggling to stay awake. Advil helped take the edge off but not as much as curling up in bed.

Which brings me to the number one thing I hate about endo. The first one is a no-brainer: PAIN! Endometriosis is all about pain. I mean, you have lesions growing inside you. Benign growths, sometimes masses, chocolate cysts, or "tumors". They bleed, they cause inflammation, scarring, adhesions and for lack of a better term "fuck shit up." I had my growths removed surgically.. However, removing endometriosis is like removing cancer: sometimes a few cells get left behind.. And they grow and form more cells until they become masses. Then you have a problem all over again.
My doctor wants to start me on continuous progestin treatment. Over the course of several months I will not get a period. The lining of my uterus will shrink. The drug will cause atrophy. This also causes endometriosis cells to shrink and become inactive.. Much like my uterus or what I like to call it: my "broken oven."
Which brings me to number two:
Infertility. After my diagnosis and surgery I continue to go through a grieving process. I went through depression already, now I'm on anger. I'm on a "I don't give a shit if I can't have kids because I don't want any" kick. However I dislike children altogether and have bitter feelings towards young couples who are starting families. Immature? Yes. Petty? You better believe it. But this is how I'm dealing with it, so let it go. This feeling will pass. It's better than denial, which I've already gone through. The whole "I'm not sick, I'm fine, I don't need drugs" bit. That didn't go over well. My endo is growing back because of that. I went through guilt already. I punished myself thinking I "deserve" this disease and isolated myself from people. I haven't bargained yet.. I don't think there's any negotiating with this illness.

Number three: This Disease has NO CURE.

That's right folks, I'm stuck with it for life. I'll take lots of drugs, have surgeries, probably end up getting a hysterectomy in the future.. And what good does it do? It's all temporary relief. There's no cure and the treatment options are pretty lousy. I'm a stronger person for having this illness though. I rarely, if ever, let it get in the way of my life. I just wish the hormones didn't have such horrible side effects..

Number Four: Fatigue
Ok the fatigue used to be number two but now it's number four because ever since I started exercising again I've had more energy.. Except for today. I used to have to drag my ass around every day. I couldn't stay awake for longer than 12 hours at a time because I was so godawfully tired as hell. During menses I feel like this. Other times I seem to be okay.

Number five: Digestive problems.

I have IBS: Irritable Bowel Syndrome AND endometriosis. When I am about to get a period, I get sick. I have stomachaches, cramping, bloating, and I have to go the bathroom more often. Not a fun time. I have to watch everything I eat so I don't get sick all the time. It's good because I eat healthy and stay trim. It sucks because I can't eat a lot of foods. It takes getting used to..

Number Six: Hormonal imbalances. These cause acne, mood-swings, temperature fluctuations (not hot flashes but sometimes I'm cold when it's not, or too warm when it isn't), my hair falls out more than it should, skin is either too oily or too dry.. So frustrating!

Number Seven: Random inflammation of my saliva glands/lymph nodes in the neck. I don't know if this is endo-related or not but it happens a lot and it sucks!

Number Eight: Water Retention: Pants fit. Pants don't fit.. Pants fit! Pants no longer fit.. Hey my pants fit! Dammit they don't fit.. Etc etc etc

Number Nine: ALLERGIES! Endometriosis will fuck around with your immune system and make you allergic to shit right out of the blue.

Number Ten: Immune function: gettin sick a lot is never fun. I combat this by eating well, resting, and exercising.

So that's ten things I hate about endo. I'm sure there's more. I tweet about them all the time :P

Lol!

Gettin Ready For Another Round

Namaste!
I have the day off from work today and I actually don't have an endless list of things I need to do today. Yahoo!
It's good because I got my "girl surprise" which every endometriosis patient dreads. I'm very tired, irritable, sore, and feeling drained. I want to be left alone to be a grouch on my own terms lol! I'm not very optimistic or friendly or bouncy during this time.
I slept a great deal last night, waking up at nearly 1 in the afternoon. Sheesh. I feel guilty about it but it's just what happens. I work nights now but I usually wake up around 11am or noon. I guess I needed my rest?
There's a great deal of things irritating me today but I'm trying really hard not to let it get to me or focus on them. I crave peace and quiet. That is all. I might go hide in the basement for a little while and play video games haha!

I have an appointment with the gynaecologist this Thursday before work. I will be starting a new treatment. I was supposed to go sooner but I held off on it because of my fears of potential side effects. I always get hit with the worst ones. Buuuut I know that the illness will only get worse the longer I leave it. I'm sure there's a treatment out there that can help me. I just don't want to be sick, feverish, achy, or nauseous from it!

I'll keep you updated.

Xoxoxoxo

M.

The Truth About Honesty

Namaste! I figured out how to get capital letters! Ok ok, it was purely accidental Lol! Anyways, now I can write better blog posts! I also have to turn off javascript on my phone to be able to post now, otherwise it goes all crazy. (Remember, I'm on a Blackberry!)
I know it's been awhile since I've posted. I've been extremely busy with my new position (which is full time!) Monday was day 7 of 7 in a row of working. Wow! I enjoy it though. It's such a fun job.
As for my pain, it's been under control. The hormone treatment I was on last month made me very sick so I had to stop. I'm currently not in treatment at this time. I exercise almost daily to control my pain now. I recently bought a bicycle to help me get around easier. It's so much fun riding a bike! I love it. I've also started going to the gym again. I'm able to afford nice things now since I got a nice raise and full time hours. It's great! Things at home could be better though. I'm going to start looking at new places in the fall. I have a boyfriend now, and he doesn't like coming over sometimes because of all the fighting and drama that goes on here. It's mega embarassing for me and makes me wanna climb into a hole.

So, todays subject isn't endometriosis, or people who can't get along because of bad tempers. It's about LYING. Now, I'm an honest person.. And I'd never do anything to consciously hurt a person. However, I am easily taken advantage of because I'm very trusting. BUT! I wasn't born yesterday. If someone lies to me, I figure it out quickly and I WILL call you out on it. So, do the smart thing: come clean. Don't bullshit people. They will see right through it, and before you know it, you're more alone than you've ever been in your entire life. Karma is instant.
Nothing angers me more than being lied to. I'd rather you disappoint me with bad news and admit you've done me wrong than blatantly lie about it. That being said, I'm very forgiving but I CANNOT forgive liars. That hurts. It insults my intelligence and strains my trust. Not cool! How can any relationship or friendship work out having sustained such a blow to the trust foundation by being pelted with lies? It can't.
So, that's my insight for today. I'm going to leave now that I've given some food for thought :)

Xoxoxo

M.

Sick Sick Siiiiiick!

i wish i had a happier blog post to make today. i also wish i could make capital letters.. hmmm so weird.

anyways.

ive gotten increasingly ill over the past few days. on friday night i was suddenly afflicted with a fever and chills. i had myself wrapped up in a thick blanket, curled up in a hooded sweater, shivering uncontrollably. my skin felt like it was burning. the next day i went to a walk-in clinic was was told i had gastritis. i was given a proton-pump inhibitor to control the stomach acids. ideally, i was supposed to feel better within a day or two. i didnt. im still having problems eating. my abdomen is tender to the touch and very sore. i feel full after a few bites of food, and i have pelvic pain similar to menstrual cramps. i feel like i have a bad case of the flu that doesnt want to go away. im miserable. i go back to work tomorrow and i know it's going to be hard. i have no idea whats wrong with me. i was sick just like this last year and the symptoms lasted 7 days. i went to the emergency room. im a little scared. i cant get anything done being sick like this. i miss work, and i miss feeling normal. im tired of waking up in the middle of the night feeling like im on fire and being drenched in sweat. my whole body aches. i really hope i feel better soon.

Cyst Update

hi! blogger wont let me capitalize letters for some reason on my blackberry so just try to ignore the grammatical error! lol!

so, the pain has migrated into my back. the first two days the pain was on the side (it alternated but was worse on the left) and i had pelvic pain in front as well. i started going to the washroom more often than usual.

now, im getting full fast and losing my appetite. i think i might have to actually call my doctor even though i dont want to. i have endometriosis. pain is now the story of my life! i have to live with that.

good grief! i wish i could make capital letters.. lol!

anyways.. im not sure what to do. had pain since sunday now. im keeping track of the symptoms because its good to have a pain journal! the back pain is most annoying when i wake up really early because of it. im tired a lot as a result.

i'll keep these updated.

Oops I spoke too soon!

A few hours after posting my blog I was overcome by severe pain on the left side. Brought me to tears. I can barely walk. After 2 Advil and 1 Tylenol I'm able to be okay at work, but it's tough. I'm definitely struggling. I'm very upset because everything was going so well. I don't know why I'm in so much pain..

:(

New Beginnings

Namaste my lovely readers! A lot of things have happened to me recently. All very GOOD things!
First off, I got promoted at work. I am currently a customer service representative but I've been promoted to supervisor! I start training THIS WEEK! Unbelievable! I owe it all to hard work and a good positive attitude.
Second: this didn't necessarily happen to me, personally, but still makes me superduperhappy: The Vancouver Canucks are in the Stanley Cup FINALS!! The last time I saw this was in 1994 when they were up against the New York Rangers. I remember being glued to the TV as a wide-eyed 8 year old cheering for Vancouver and my favourite players like Trevor Linden, Pavel Bure, and goaltender Mark Mclean. So awesome.
Another cool thing is that I got myself a brand new Blackberry gadget! It's really cool and it's fast and I can pile lots of music on it. Very fun gadget indeed!
I also got asked out on a date! Or several I guess.. By a nice boy whom I've been friends with for awhile. I haven't been asked out for almost a year so it means a lot. We'll see what happens!

My future goals are of course to continue my endometriosis treatment (no complaints about side effects yet!!) And move on with my life. Going forward. That's what it's about now. I got sick of my life as it was and worked towards a change and now I'm being rewarded. Life is great like that. I plan on moving out of the basement in my mom"s house before the end of this year. I've been unhappy here for awhile and it's time I went out on my own again. I also want to try and get a vehicle of some sort. It will take some saving up for sure though.
So that's what's new in my life right now. Here's to hoping it stays on the right path!

Love

M.

Xoxoxo