Introduction

Namaste! Highest Blessings! Happy Yuletide Greetings! My name is Marcina, and this is my new blog.
I had one posted before, but ended up deleting it. It wasn't a very good blog, and it didn't even have a THEME! I mostly wrote about my health battles for the past year.. And I figured.. Why not write a blog that's JUST about that?
The past year and a half has been a whirlwind of doctor's appointments, ER visits, and tests. We all enjoy tests don't we?? Blood-tests, X-ray tests, blood sugar tests, urine tests, other-unmentionable-uncomfortable tests.. Tests of PATIENCE! Lol!
I've kept a positive attitude about most of this.. But sometimes it's very hard. I have an illness that causes me to be in constant pain. For almost two years, nobody really understood why. Since all those tests came back clean (no cancer, no infection, no thyroid problem) it was hard for the doctors to understand why I hurt so much. I had other weird issues too.. Like last year, my hair just started coming out. Then I got hot flashes.. Then I got acne.. I gained some weight.. I tell ya, it was interesting have so very little hair, a face-full of zits, and an extra 10 pounds!!
Everything made absolutely no sense. What was happening? Why was it happening?

The chronic pelvic pain started in November 2009. I was misdiagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Then I was told I might have cystitis (bladder inflammation), then I was told I have ovarian cysts, and then in the summer, we thought it was appendicitis. It turned out not to be, and that was the first time I was told what might be the problem. The doctor said:
"You have something wrong with you reproductive organs."
The doctor felt a mass (I felt it too, it hurt like a bitch!!) But it never showed up on the ultrasound.
I had mood-swings for months (I still get them.. To the dismay of all my friends and family members who have to put up with my shit! Lol!)
I talked to my GP about what the ER doc said and he said to me "Don't worry! It's normal to have painful cycles!" And I was prescribed birth control pills.
I took them faithfully everyday because I was promised a now pain-free life.. Even though I was nauseous every single day of taking them. I lost weight of course, because I could not manage to feed myself much more than 800 calories a day.. Sometimes less. I was a short-term fruitarian living off of bananas, apples, and mandarin oranges.
A few days ago, I was awakened by severe pain. I was in tears because the treatment failed..I cried because I hurt so much.. I was upset because I had to miss work.
I saw a doctor later that day and he said everything opposite of what my GP said.
"Chronic pelvic pain is NOT normal" when my doctor said it was.
"You need to see a gynocologist." I agreed.
"You need laproscopy to find out what's going on inside!"

It is suspected that I am suffering from endometriosis. The symptoms include: dysmenorrhea (painful, difficult menstruation), menorrhagia (heavy periods), dyspareunia (painful sex), mittelschmirz (mid-cycle pain caused by ovulation), headaches, IBS-like symptoms, bladder problems (I-have-to-pee-but-I-caaaan't kind of thing, or I-have-to-pee-every-twenty-minutes) which are ALL problems that I have!!
Now it makes sense.
Now we're getting somewhere!

Woooohooooooo!!

The only problem is: I need that surgery to get an "official" diagnosis.
Another problem: endometriosis has no cure. Bummer.
Also, I may never be able to have children.
I always suspected I'd never have kids. After all, I can't have sex, and ovulating feels more like "stab-u-lating". I get sad when I see couples in love.. I get bitter and jealous when someone I know gets pregnant or has a new baby. Stupid feelings, I know.. But when everyone tells you "nothing feels better than holding your baby in your arms" and then you hear "there's something wrong with your reproductive organs" it kinda breaks your heart.
I find myself alienating myself from kids. Even my own niece. I should want to spend time with her but instead.. I just work all day and then hide away in my room.
I feel terrible.

It's hard for other people to understand why I'm so upset. I can't even explain it myself sometimes.. Nobody wants to hear at 24 years old that their ovaries aren't working properly. It's heartbreaking. Nobody at 24 years old wants to be alone because their pain isolates them, and crazy-psycho-moodswings drive people away.
I've even flipped out at my cat, or started yelling in an empty room because I was angry and frustrated and had to get it out!
That's the purpose of this blog: spread awareness and let my negative painful feelings OUT! Everyday is a challenge.. Sometimes it takes a little extra energy to be strong and get through the day. I hate whining, but I need to communicate.
I'll be posting regularily and give updates on my condition. I especially hope to meet other young women who have been either diagnosed or suspected of having endometriosis.

Let's bring people together!!

Om shanti love

Xoxoxo

M.