So, This Is Christmas..

Namaste, readers. I hope this holiday season, festive day, Yuletide evening, Jesus's Birthday finds you in good spirits!
I am, however, writing with a heavy heart.
This time of year can be sad for some people. It usually isn't for me. I am not sure if it's because a week ago, I was sitting in a doctor's office discussing laparoscopy (I'm still not sure how to spell that! Lol!) Or if it's because I'm lonely, or maybe it was the rude comment I got last night from my own father criticizing my weight..
I have to get this off my chest!
My dad hasn't spoken to me for 7 months. Prior to that, he forgot my birthday. I see him again for Christmas and all he could do was ask me why I'm no longer pursuing a career in music, and tells me I'm "getting a belly". My lower abdomen gets bloated very easily. I was on the last day of probably the most painful period I've ever had, and he comments on my weight.
Well excuuuuuuse me for letting myself go!!! When in fact I've actually LOST about ten pounds! My father doesn't even know anything about my health issues. He doesn't ask.. And I'm not about to tell. He has his fair share of health issues too.. But his solution is to self-medicate and give up on life. There is no "fighting spirit" in that man and he enjoys ripping the defensive mask of optimism off my face whenever he sees me.
He chose not to call me.
He chose to stay at home and feel sorry for himself.
He chose to say hurtful things and be a BULLY.
I will not handle my illness that way. I'm not going to lay in bed thinking about how "difficult" life is.. Why? Because it could be worse. Much worse. I don't even like calling it an "illness". It's just my "thing". It hurts a lot sometimes, but I'm handling it. It's making me stronger. If I were to just lay down and give up, my "thing" would take over and swallow my spirit whole.

My eyes are now red and puffy because today I "chose" to cry over my broken heart and hurt feelings. I "chose" to be sensitive. I "chose" to be angry.
Maybe now it's time to choose to not let people get under my skin?
We all have troubles with this sometimes don't we? Someone says something mean and it hurts our hearts. My spirit has been a little faded since that doctor's visit last week. The first of many, I presume.
I'll be strong, and I'll fight through it.
I'll be fine.

:)

Merry Christmas, my faithful readers. I love you!

Xoxoxo

M.