Same Song And Dance

So things were going awesome with my treatment.. I returned to the gym, started riding my bike to and from work daily, eating better, and getting healthy again.
Then BOOM! Pain.
Its been going on for a few days now. Unforgivable, nagging, absolutely frustrating pelvic pain. It feels like I'm having a period except I'm not. I passed a small blood clot and that is it. It hurts like hell when I get home from a shift at work. The pain in exercise-induced.. And painkillers will not touch it.
It's nearly 4am and I cannot sleep. The past 3 nights have been like this. I saw my specialist on the 1st and raved to him how well this treatment was working. Why am I having pain now?? It makes no sense. I lie in bed in tears because I feel so defeated. First surgery didn't work and now this doesn't seem to work anymore.. I'm still hopeful though. This shall pass. This is only my second month on this drug. I refuse to allow my pain to keep me from doing things like attending work or exercising. Call me stubborn but that's one thing I'm not doing: giving up.. Letting the disease control me.

I haven't posted in awhile because I was so focussed on my brother's death and the grief from that. I still can't talk about it without bawling. I'm learning to live with the fact that he's gone, but it still hurts. I still keep a box of tissues in my room for those nights I cry. For the first 4 weeks I think I cried myself to sleep nearly every night. I'd wake up with frog eyes.
I have pictures of him now which actually help. There's one in a frame in my living room, and one on my phone. I also got a tattoo to commemorate him. It's a half-sleeve of a Japanese-style dragon. We were both big fans of dragons and dinosaurs. When I was little, he gave me some of his toy dinosaurs, including one which was a T-Rex that had its mouth open ready to attack my leaf-eating dinosaurs.. Or my sister's Barbies.
I think of these fond memories and it makes me feel better.
I still think about my big brother every day.
I miss you..

Anyways, I need to try real hard to get some sleep because I need to be up early to go shopping before work.

Night