Loss

I'm having a hard time dealing with my brother's death. I've been encased in a black cloud of depression. I try to keep busy and then I'm ok for a little while until something sets me off.
Life just really sucks right now.
My family just goes about their daily life as if nothing changed. I'm not sure if they're in denial, trying to stay strong, or just not that sad. I have no idea. I feel like the weak one. I'm in my room most of the time, and I cry a lot. Every night I cry myself to sleep. I haven't worked since Tuesday and I'm returning tomorrow because I feel pressured to by my family. They keep wondering why I haven't gone back yet, so I called today.
I guess it'll help occupy my mind..
Let's see, I haven't seen my brother in 11 years but I missed him all those years. I hoped he would call us or e-mail or contact us somehow. I held onto the hope I'd see him again. I don't have that anymore. He was the first friend I made in life. He taught me things and influenced me in positive ways to help make me who I am today. He was a role model. The only brother I had and the only one I'll always have. I have a lot of memories about him from early childhood. It hurts he's gone. I can barely bring myself to leave the house for an hour. My family has been gone all day. They've gone to the fair. I don't get it.. Is it a distraction? I have no idea. My grandparents are out so maybe they just don't want to be sad in front of them?
It confuses me..
My pain follows me wherever I go. It never goes away.
I bite my lip a lot to keep from crying. I hold back until late at night when it's ok to cry.