Tired.. So tired.

I'm finally getting over that burst cyst episode. The weather is also getting nice. I've been trying to pick up extra hours at work so that I can catch up with my finances.

I'm so FUCKING tired. I'm sorry for the profanity but I'm just terribly frustrated.

Imagine being sick for an entire year and being unable to pretty much do anything. Now imagine feeling awesome. Yay! Ok, let's go for a short bike ride, to the park and do some grocery shopping. Sounds easy enough right? Well to a person like me, a day like that (one that someone healthy would refer to as NORMAL) is simply exhausting. Today I slept most of the day. I got up at 3pm. I was so wiped I had to put an extra scoop in my coffee just to get enough energy to do the dishes. I went to the store later on to look for pickles and after wandering the store for a little while, I was so tired my eyes felt like they were on fire and I ended up buying nothing because I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.
If you've never dealt with a chronic illness before, you cannot imagine how frustrating this is. I just want to live a normal life. I shouldn't have to drag my ass out of bed just to do a couple chores. I know I'm whining right now but I can't help it. I used to be so active. I used to weigh 110 pounds and be this fit and energetic thing. Now I'm 20 pounds heavier and struggle just to function for one day. I want to cry I'm so upset. Is this what my life is going to be like now? I just turned 27 and I feel like I'm 87. All I want to do is to be able to go to university and get a career in the medical field. That's my dream.. but I can't do that. I can't stay awake for 12 hours straight, never mind work a shift that's 12 hours long.. Or go to school while working. It can't be done. Not with this body I have! I get so depressed because I can't do any of the things I want to do in life and I'm just watching everyone else succeed while I hang back with my boring office job getting yelled at by people over the phone who think I'm too stupid to be worth talking to with the slightest bit of respect.

I feel so ambitious but more than anything, I just want to rest all the time. My iron levels are fine.. my diet is fine.. my thyroid is fine. Everything is fucking fine but I'm exhausted. I just want to know why and I want it to stop. I want to live my life.. Not sleep through it. I'm sorry this has been such a sad post, but I had to vent.

Thank you for listening.

-M