It Doesn't Metastisize, It Migrates

I had my follow up with my gynecologist last Tuesday.
It appears that my endometriosis is continuing to spread and grow, and my doctor suspects that it's moved onto my bladder causing me to use the washroom a lot (like I did before the lap) and also cause bloating and PAIN. The pain the past two days has been so intense that I have difficulty walking. It wakes me up during the night, and over-the-counter medications do little to offer relief. I continue to go to work and I talk to my co-workers about the pain sometimes but most of all, I joke about it and call myself a "gimp" Lol! I hate whining and complaining, so I figure if I do it in a joking manner that it's alright. They say laughter is the best medicine anyways.

I haven't blogged in awhile, I can't remember if I mentioned that I went back on anti-depressants or not.. In other treatment news, my progesterone dose has been doubled in an effort to get my pain and bladder symptoms under control. I have bowel issues too, and I've been taking fiber daily and probiotics but I still experience a lot of pain. Mostly I have a lot of bloating issues and it feels like my colon ties itself in a knot. It's been going on for well over a week. That on top of having to pee every half hour and having endometriosis pain has become very frustrating. That's where the anti-depressants come in. They allow me to emotionally cope with this disease.

My doctor says that if my medications don't improve my symptoms, that he would like to have a cystoscopy done to look for interstitial cystitis. This is a disease that essentially feels like a constant bladder infection. Petichial hemorrhages or small ulcerations develop in the bladder wall resulting in pain and irritation. A cystoscopy is a procedure done to look inside the bladder to check for these things. I'm pretty sure I'll have to be knocked out for it, since they fill your bladder with water and then go up your freakin' peehole with a camera. I can't imagine that's comfortable..

Since I don't feel a lot of support from my family, and a lot of my close friends have day jobs or live far from me, I don't have a lot of people to talk to about my battle with endometriosis. I recently found an online support group and a lot of women have the exact same feelings and symptoms as I do so I no longer feel alone. I've stopped feeling sorry for myself as a result of this.

I'm beginning to accept the fact that I'm not going to be a mother in my lifetime. With this illness spreading despite hormone therapy and surgery, and the fact that I'm still single and time is ticking away as I get older, I don't wish to have children if it means rushing into a relationship and going through painful procedures such as more surgery and fertility treatments, all the while risking myself for ectopic pregnancies and miscarriages and GRIEF.
There's always adoption.
There's always furbabies.
Many people live happy, fulfilling lives without pro-creating. I can too.